What Hurts the Most
by dmscranton
Summary: Pam got her nerve a little sooner then Beach Games and sends a private gift to Jim in Stamford. Minispoilers, this takes place between Initiation and The Job.
1. Jim

Pam got her nerve a little sooner then "Beach Games" and sends a private gift to Jim in Stamford.

Spoilers through "Initiation", this takes place after that episode, (oh and the rest of season 3 didn't happen.)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

"_Bye Pam"_

"_Bye Jim"_

* * *

Two weeks later…, Jim was sliding his finger under the flap of an envelope.

* * *

_What's this?_

_Pam?_

_A CD?_

_A letter, I don't know if I can take this. I shouldn't read it. I should take this whole thing and just throw it away._

_No._

_I can't._

_Maybe I'll just read the letter and not listen to the CD, or maybe just listen to the CD. I don't know if I can handle seeing her handwriting. _

_What if it's her voice on the CD though, no she wouldn't record herself talking, would she?_

_No, I already know that answer._

_Oh man, I'm so exhausted I can't handle this. _

_She's just going to apologize; she's just going to say she was sorry for hurting my feelings or something friendly like that. _

_Damn it, friendly!_

_Why are my fingers shaking? This is ridiculous; just suck it up man open the letter. You're miles away don't let her get to you anymore._

_She did sound happy on the phone, better almost._

_Man…I miss her._

_Stop it. Stop loving a woman who doesn't love you. What am I a moron? I never thought I was a moron, another thing Pam's done for me, turned me into a moron._

_I wonder if she misses me._

_Maybe she thinks about me, does she look at my desk still? Maybe she stares at it._

_No, nooo. What am I… no she's fine, she never did that before. No._

_I miss her._

_Ok I'm just going to read the first sentence and then if it doesn't sound like it's going to be good I'll stop. Plus I won't listen to the CD but I'll just set it on my desk or here by my CD player, just in case._

_Maybe one night I'll be bored, or something._

_Mmmm, the paper smells like her._

_Oh geez, I can't believe I just smelled a piece of paper, I'm turning into a girl._

_First a moron, now a girl, great._

_I wonder if the envelope smells like her too, no, oh well._

_WHAT! I just smelled the envelope. Damn it! Why can't both sides of my brain talk to each other here, communicate!_

_Ok, well here it goes._

_Ah, she wrote it in pink._

_Pink._

_She always looked so good in pink, it made her lips brighter, and her cheeks flush. That one cardigan she would wear, she looked so…beautiful._

_I can't believe she never saw me staring at her. Wow, she was either really oblivious or I was stealthier then I thought._

_I miss her._

_Ok, concentrate read the letter here, it's from the woman you love, who rejected you._

_Oh like now I want to read it._

_This chair isn't really comfortable, maybe I'll just lay on my bed. This might be bed time reading, maybe._

_Well at least I'll be more comfortable when she pulls my heart out of my chest and stabs uncurled paper clips deep into the muscle._

_Paperclips? Is that the best torture tool I could think of?_

_I remember that time we threw paperclips into Dwight's cup, she always had a full box of them at her desk. I wonder if she had a stash of them in one of her drawers. _

_Ok enough. Sit down, lean back and just read the letter, this is no big deal. If I don't like it then forget it I just won't respond, maybe she'll think it got lost in the mail, maybe she'll think I never saw it, yea I'll just pretend._

_I'll just continue to pretend, I have lots of practice with that._

Dear Jim_ …_

_oh damn, my heart's already breaking. Why couldn't she have just put Jim or Halpert, or Jim Halpert or Hello! Why __**dear**_

_Ok,_

Dear Jim,

I miss you.

_She misses me!_

_Ok wait, I was her best friend, she probably just misses our friendship, that I accidentally misinterpreted, son of a …_

I miss you more then those three words can convey.

_Oh god, I think, oh geez I can't breathe. Phew I think, um, I need a drink. Yes, water._

_Ok, suck it up, inhale, it's not that hard. That's what she said, shit Michael!_

I'm sorry, for a lot of things I said.

_I wonder if she means I didn't misinterpret, no maybe she's just apologizing for saying she was going to marry Roy, or wait…why is she sorry?_

I was scared. I was nervous. You were standing in front of me telling me the words I'd longed to hear.

_Longed? Wait read it again…_

telling me the words I'd longed to hear.

_Yes she said longed. Wow._

But as I stood there hearing you say it I got 'cold feet'.

_Ok, so I creeped her out, maybe I should've never said it._

I was afraid of losing you, which in hindsight seems silly because now I've truly lost you.

_You never lost me, wow you have no idea, all you have to do is say the word. Maybe I should call her._

Since I never spoke the words that were in my heart, I lost you. And I'd really like to have you back.

_Oh, yes, I'll be calling her._

I'm in love with you Jim Halpert.

……_uh_

I'm in love with you Jim Halpert.

_Close your mouth. I'm sure I look like a fool._

_Wait just one more time._

I'm in love with you Jim Halpert.

_Oh my, oh, uh she's. This is nice._

I don't know if I can go through these empty days without you any longer. I thought I could be strong, I thought that maybe this is how it should be… but then you called.

_Yeah, that call ruined the façade I'd built. That night and every day after I haven't been able to stop hearing her laugh, and she feels it too. Yes._

I heard your voice, I heard you laugh.

You called me Beesly.

_I made fun of her kitchen, and called her Fancy and New._

So I came home and I decided that I needed to stop being so scared, that I needed to tell you the truth.

_I'm so glad you did. Who am I talking to? She's not here dummy._

_She should be._

As you can see however, I'm still a little nervous about the whole thing that's why I wrote it, instead of calling. I was afraid if I heard your voice again that I would get choked up and not be able to say what I'd wanted to say.

_My Pam._

On my way home that night I heard this song on the radio. It's what's on the CD. It pretty much explains what I'm going through right now.

_Oh the CD! Damn it where did I put it?_

_Oh here! Ok don't drop it just set it, there now…play._

I can take the rain  
On the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then  
And I just let 'em out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
Even though goin' on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again  
I pretend I'm okay  
But that's not what gets me

_She feels, just like I do._

What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And havin' so much to say  
And watchin' you walk away  
And never knowin'  
What could've been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain  
Of losin' you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' it  
It's hard to force that smile  
When I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade, give away  
All the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken

Not seein' that lovin' you  
That's what I was trying to do

What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And havin' so much to say  
And watchin' you walk away  
And never knowin'  
What could've been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was tryin' to do

_I love this song._

_And I hate country!_

I miss you Jim, I miss you so much that every day it feels like my heart is in a vice grip. When I have to sit across from your old desk, and you're not there anymore, it hurts. It hurts more and more everyday you're gone.

_Oh my god! She does stare! Whoa, I wonder if she can read my thoughts._

_Hello?_

_Wait I was already holding this when I thought about that, duh._

I know I pushed you away, I know I told you, you misinterpreted but I lied. You've known me for years, you could see it too, you knew, I loved you but I was too scared.

_Whoa, she did it again._

_She's too much, she's perfect, and she's mine._

Well here I am exposing my heart, giving you everything I can offer; I just hope it's not too late.

_If she had waited and sent this 5 years from now it wouldn't be too late._

With all my heart, and all my love,

Pam

_Where's my cell. Damn it where did I…there._

_Ok dial slowly, don't mess up, it's not like anything important depends on it, like your HAPPINESS!_

_Oh god it's ringing, ok just breathe, one ring…two rings, wait what time is it, maybe she's_

"Hello?"

"Pam?"

"Jim?"


	2. Pam

I had some requests to further this along and I already had this in my head. So I hope you enjoy. The italics are Pam's thoughts, just a little glimpse.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

Pam is at home resting from a long and uneventful day at work.

* * *

_Damn why does the phone ring always always when I have my hands covered in soap. Look at me I'm dripping and trying to do the dishes, who calls during dinner time?_

_Ugh_

"Hello?"

_Not like I have all day, answer already._

"Pam?"

_Oh, I think my heart just stopped, oh geez, I wonder if he got my..oh uh I guess I should answer._

"Jim?"

_Of course it's Jim, what a silly question. See look at the caller id, how come I didn't look at the caller id before I answered it. I don't have any lip gloss on and my hands are covered in dish soap._

_Oh right, phone call, doesn't matter if I don't have lip gloss on._

_Who am I, Kelly?_

"Uh, hey."

_Wow, he sounds nervous, or maybe that's me._

"Hi."

_When are we going to get past the introductions? Think of something witty to say, make him laugh open this up._

_Or just wait for him to do that, he called you, don't assume anything._

"How are you?"

_Maybe he didn't get my letter._

"I'm good, how's Stamford?"

_How's Stamford, like it's Greece or Spain or China. Come on it's not that far away. I'm so stupid._

"Oh, it's good, good."

_Ok this is awkward. Don't ask him if he got it, just in case he didn't then he'll think you're crazy._

_But he did call me._

"Um, so what's up?"

_Smooth, now maybe he'll just talk, just talk, come on Jim just talk, make me laugh, make this easy._

"Well…"

"Yeah?"

_I feel like I'm going to throw up._

"I got your letter."

_Crap, well I guess this has to happen sooner or later right? He probably has a girlfriend now and he's just calling to be nice. Great he's only gone for a short bit and he has a girlfriend. Great I hope she didn't see it, I'm an idiot. I should've just kept it. He obviously moved on and now I look like a fool sending out love letters and dumb CD's just apologize and say something silly, you're good at that, sometimes._

"Right, um if that was weird…"

"NO!"

_Oh, wow, that was abrupt, but a good sign. Just breathe don't speak, let him speak you're going to put your foot in your mouth, again!_

_Just wait…_

"I loved it"

_I think I bit my lip. Oh crap I still have soap on my hands now it's on my lips, towel, towel I need a towel._

"Uh, Pam?"

"Oh sorry, um good, good I'm glad you liked it, really, good."

_I'm rambling, I always ramble when I'm nervous. It's just Jim, don't be nervous._

"I listened to the song too."

_Oh great, here comes the heat._

"Oh I know you hate country and I'm sorry you had to be tortured through that."

"No, really, I loved it, I think I'm converted."

_Maybe he'll like the whole album; he should come over and listen. Wait I'm getting ahead of myself._

"Really?"

"Yeah, it kinda described how I was feeling too."

_Oh there it is again, heart stopped. Wow, how does he manage to do that to me, constantly?_

_He's amazing._

"Yeah?"

_And that's what comes out of my mouth_?

"I miss you Pam."

_I'm going to cry_

"I miss you too."

_Don't cry_

"I'm sorry I ran. I'm sorry I just left without saying anything to you. I was kind of a jerk, I wasn't being your friend."

_Yea he was kind of a jerk, but I did turn him down so maybe I was the jerk. And now that I just thought he was a jerk I know for sure I'm a jerk._

_How many times can I put the word jerk in to a sentence?_

"That's alright, I understood."

"No, it's not alright. A few weeks later you were calling off your wedding and you couldn't even pick up the phone to call your friend and tell him what you were going through. I was an idiot."

_Oh no, I'm going to cry. I'm such a sap._

"Well, I guess I thought you didn't want me to call."

_There they are…tears_

"Oh but that's not true."

_I missed him so much, I should've just called._

"I'm sorry."

_I can't even talk now, I'm such a girl._

"Don't be. Please don't cry, Pam."

"No, it's ok. I seem to be emotional lately it's not you. Actually I got a Costco membership so I could buy my Kleenex in bulk, it's cheaper."

_My head hurts._

"So resourceful Beesly…I love you"

_Oh my GOD! I wasn't expecting that. Uh now what? What do I do?_

_Just reply silly._

"I love you too…Oh geez now I'm a mess."

_Stupid tears._

"Ha, hurry take a picture I'd love to see this."

_He thinks he's so cute._

_He's so right._

"Oh I'm sure you would, I would punch you right now if you were here."

_He should be._

"I would take the abuse… just to see you"

_I think I actually felt my heart flutter._

"Oh Jim, I should've told you, I should've just said it that night. I wanted to, I hope you know that. I've loved you for a long time."

_There I said it._

"I knew."

_I knew you knew, is that grammatically correct?_

"Now you're gone."

"I'm not gone forever."

_Gone long enough though._

"You're out of the state."

_A whole state!_

"Pam. It's the east coast all the states are small enough to fit inside Montana, I'm not that far."

_True…_

"It feels like it though."

"I know."

* * *

I hope you liked it :-) 


	3. Jim II

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Jim closes his cell phone and lies back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling.

_Oh…My…God…_

_I'm totally channeling Kelly._

_That was, I don't even know how to describe what that was._

_Shit I have to go to work in 5 hours, 5 hours!_

_I'm never going to get to sleep now._

_I wish we could see each other this weekend, this is going to be rough._

_Maybe I should send her a love letter, and, a CD too._

_But with something better than country. I mean I liked it, but I think she just got lucky._

_Wait…what was that? Ooohh text message!_

_You've got mail!_

_Inbox…new…read…_

_Aw, she's so…great._

_Reply…I…Luv…U…2…Send_

_Wow, this morning I thought my life sucked, hmmm._

_Maybe this will help me get through the Call of Duty moments, and Andy freak outs._

_I hope she can fall asleep._

_Maybe she'll dream about me, us. Man, this is a good day!_

_Ok so which song should I pick for her? I know I've heard songs that reminded me of her, but..actually they're more depressing. No that won't work._

_Oooohh this, is perfect!_

_Who needs sleep? Ok I'll burn this CD then I'll get it out in the mail tomorrow and she should have it latest Friday? I guess Friday, I hope she gets it before Friday._

_AhH! Text. I should just sleep with this thing._

_Aw, she's…she's, I'm out of adjectives. Where's my thesaurus? Did I ever own one?_

_Ok so do I have a girlfriend now? OH SHIT!_

_Where did I put her letter?_

_Shit, shit, shit. My fat ass is on it great look now there's a butt imprint._

_Idiot._

_Can you iron paper?_

_Wait._

_Did I just ask that?_

_No._

_NO, I don't think I did._

_I wonder if I have an empty frame, where's that one picture of me and my…brother?_

_What did I do with that picture? Is it at work? I don't remember taking it to work._

_Oh here this will work._

_Ok slide it in, stupid plastic, ugh, just…get…in…there._

_Oh I'm getting sleepy._

_Whoa! Vibrate._

_Reply…I miss u already…send_

_I wonder if either of us is going to sleep?_

_I also wonder if I should ask her what happened with Roy?_

_No, you probably don't want to ask your girlfriend, hee…girlfriend, about her ex fiancé._

_Ex-fiancé._

_Wow my girlfriend has an ex fiancé._

_Girlfriend._

_Pam._

_Pam Beesly is my girlfriend._

_I think._

_I didn't really ask her._

_Maybe I should ask?_

_Wait, don't you stop doing that after the third grade?_

_Well most people do, I guess mister Jim Halpert doesn't because he's cool._

_Duh._

_I guess I should ask her on a date first huh?_

_So this is kind of weird I've never been on an official date with the woman I love. Hmmm_

_They should do a documentary on that, instead of a boring paper supply company with a crazy whacked out regional manager, and psychopathic assistant, to the, regional manager._

_Oh, well when I put it that way…maybe they know what they're doing._

_Maybe I should start writing my name all over my new Hello Kitty folder as Mrs. James Beesly, ugh I'm so lame._

_I don't think I can stay awake much longer._

_Ok good CD is done now some chicken scratch on a post-it, it'll be sentimental some how I'm sure._

_She can stick it to her monitor at work._

_Do I have any stamps?_

_Probably not._

_I'll just drop it off at the post office tomorrow._

_Uh my eyes, my head…sheep over a fence…Pam, smiling._

_ZZZZZZzzzzz_


	4. Pam II

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

Pam's gripping a manila envelope in her hands as she runs quickly up to her apartment.

* * *

_Ahhhh! I love gifts! _

_I love gifts from Jim! _

_I love Jim! _

_Ok, ok what did he send me! _

_OW!! _

_Damn…paper cut. _

_Grrr, I think I just growled. I need a band-aid. _

_Oh forget it. _

_Just rip it PAM! _

_Ooooohh CD! _

_Wow I feel like I keep yelling, in my head. _

_Take a breath, close your eyes, find your happy place. _

_Ok, he didn't write anything on it, where's my note? _

_Didn't he write me anything? _

_Now I'm sad. _

_Oh wait…what's that? _

_A post-it? _

_He sends me a post-it. _

_That's so Jim. _

_I can put it on my monitor at work. Then think of him, all day. _

_I wonder if anyone will question it. _

_No one comes back behind my desk anyway. _

_Ok so what kind of love song did he send me? _

_I always wondered if he heard **us** in any song lyrics. _

_Whoa don't snap it, just pull it off the case gently. _

_Anxious much? _

_Play… _

_This sounds like a really upbeat song, that could be good or bad. _

This is where I'll be  
So heavenly  
So come and Dance with me Michael

_WHAT!? _

_Wait! PAUSE PAUSE! _

_Did he just say Michael? _

_Replay _

This is where I'll be  
So heavenly  
So come and Dance with me Michael

_PAUSE! _

_Yes, yes it said MICHAEL. _

_He's such a dork. _

_Ok now I have to hear the rest of this. _

So Sexy, I'm sexy  
So come and dance with me Michael

I'm all that you see, you wanna see  
So come and dance with me Michael

So close now, so close now  
So come and dance with me  
So come and dance with me  
So come and dance with me

Michael you're the boy with all the leather hips

_AHHH! This is so great!_

Stucky hair, sticky hips stubble on my sticky lips  
Michael you're the only one I ever want only one I ever want only one I ever want  
Beautiful boys on a beautiful dance floor  
Michael you're dancing like a beautiful dance-whore  
Michael waiting on a Silver platter now  
And nothing matters now

This is what I am I am a man so come and dance with me Michael

So strong now it's strong now  
So come and dance with me Michael

I'm all that you'll be you'll ever see  
So come and dance with me Michael

_Jerk! _

_Why can't he just be serious for once! _

_Alright, it was funny. And it did make me think of Michael in his fancy jeans. _

_His stupid jeans, that he gets dry cleaned, what a dork. _

_Alright Halpert, if that's how you want to play this. _

_FINE! _

_Hey, is that my cell? He can't be that good, can he? _

_OH! Yes, yes he can! _

_Damn it Jim. _

_Reply…Yes I got ur gift…send _

_New text…contacts…Jim…text…DORK! I hate u :-p…send _

_Now I sit and wait, I'm just going to sit here, on my couch and wait. He'll call I know he will, he has to, right? _

_He'll probably just reply to my text. _

_He better! _

_He's so silly, oh my god I have to hear that song again. _

_Play… _

_Ahhh HAAHHAAA _

_Ow my stomach. _

_So Sexy, you're sexy…. HAAAAHHAA _

_Whoa, phone. _

_Reply…Oh don't think ur so cute, ur not getting off the hook that easily. Don't act innocent, ur not innocent…send _

_What should I have for dinner tonight? _

_New text! Ohhh, so I got Michael's CD, he's so…AHH! _

_I need to call him, I miss him. I just want to hear his voice. _

_Damn. _

_He won! _

_Now I'm totally hooked to this song._

* * *


	5. Jim III

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

Jim's sitting in the driver side of his car staring out the window into the Stamford branch's parking lot, clutching his cell phone.

* * *

_I can't stay here._

_I can't do this._

_Here._

_I need to be in Scranton._

_What did I do?_

_UH!_

_I'm such an idiot. I should've waited; I should've just let her think about things. I should've known, I know Pam, if I would've thought of her I would've known that._

_Now things are great, but I want to see her._

_I need to see her._

_I need to touch her; I would really like to kiss her._

_Again._

_Why did I have to be such an idiot, now I'm stuck here in this weird parallel universe of Dunder-Mifflin and I can't get out._

_I would look like a total fool if I asked to transfer back._

_I guess I can wait to see what happens._

_Maybe they'll close the Scranton branch and Pam can move over here._

_If she wants to._

_I guess we could talk about it._

_I can't imagine them shutting us down._

_Josh compared to Michael._

_I'm surprised they've kept him for so long._

_I wonder where everyone will go._

_I miss them._

_All of them, yes I still miss Dwight. I should really see a doctor about that; maybe I'm coming down with something._

_This stupid phone._

_It's just not enough._

_I can't see her through it, I can't smell her hair, and I can't gaze at her gorgeous eyes._

_Ugh!_

_Oh shit I hope I didn't break it._

_Where did it go, great it's under the seat._

_Oh god there's Andy._

_Why is he still here?_

_No._

_NO_

_Do not come to my window…crap._

_What if I pretend my window won't roll down._

_Damn._

"Hey Tuna, what are you still doing here? Car treble? Ha"

_Sooo, Michael. They should really get together._

"Naw, I'm just waiting for a phone call. Don't want to drive and talk on the phone."

"That's cool. Well I'm outta here. See you tomorrow."

_Phew is this going to be it?_

"Alright Andy, bye."

_Quick. Roll the window back up._

"Oh and hey…"

_Crap_

"…maybe you should think about buying Call of Duty and practicing at home, I'd hate to think that Josh might view you as incompetent, could really suck."

_Was that a smile?_

"Yeah, maybe. Thanks, bye"

_Such a jerk._

_I really need to call Pam._

_She was mad._

_I could tell._

_She would never say it but…_

_Man I'm an idiot. I can never stop and completely let her in._

_I just want to be able to love her to my fullest._

_There are moments I don't need to joke._

_I know it's a defense mechanism._

_I just can't help it. It just makes things easier._

_She makes me nervous._

_I can't tell with her._

_I used to think I could but then that night._

_Oh quit it!_

_She told you she lied, she told you she wanted to tell you. Why can't I get past this?_

_I need to call her. I need to do something romantic, something she wouldn't expect at least from the Joker over here._

_Now I can't find my phone._

_Just go home._

_Crawl into a fetal position and cry yourself to sleep you big loser._

_A little melodramatic._

_I guess I'll look for it when I get home. I know it's in here somewhere at least._

_My head is throbbing. This has been a long week._

_I miss her, soooo much._

_Wait, it's Friday!_

_U-Turn Jones._

_This will be better than a CD._

* * *


	6. Pam III

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

Pam is cleaning her apartment, wearing a pair of old faded khaki shorts and a pink tank top. Music is filling the air of the small place.

* * *

"You get your house back  
You get your dog back  
You get your best friend Jack back  
You get your truck back  
You get your hair back  
You get your first and second wives back  
Your front porch swing  
Your pretty little thing  
Your bling bling bling and a diamond ring"

_I love this song._

_I hope my neighbors can't hear me._

"Well I never heard it said quite like that  
It hit me in the face cause that's where I'm at  
I almost fell flat out on the floor  
He said wait a minute that's not all there's even more"

_And now this duster is my microphone._

"AAAChooo!"

_Ok, I shouldn't use this as my mic, mental note: for dusting purposes only._

_I should put my hair up, it's getting hot in here._

_It's gettin' hot in herre._

_Oh, geez. Maybe that's one of my neighbors. Shit they probably can here me._

"Sorry, just a second. I'll turn it down!"

_I look horrible, oh well they've seen me look worse I'm sure when I go get the mail._

_JIM!_

_Oh! Oh my god. JIM!_

_Oh no look what I have on._

_Oh shit did I just slam the door on him!_

"Sorry! Oh my god I'm sorry. I…uh wasn't…what are you doing here?"

_My hair. Put the Pledge down. Fix your hair you look like a fuzz ball._

"Surprise?"

"Uh that's putting it mildly."

"Are you busy? Should I go?"

"No! No, uh..come in I was just, uh, uh cleaning. Sorry I look horrible. This isn't how you…why didn't you call?"

_Just push this off the coffee table. Pull this put it here…wait…oh crap._

"I lost my phone in the cosmos of my car."

_What?_

"What?"

"Yeah, it's in my car. I think a black hole sucked it up or something I can't seem to find it. I threw it earlier and it slid under the passenger seat and now…poof!"

_Oh wow he's adorable. His mouth just made the cutest movement. Say it again, say it again._

"How was that?"

"Poof!"

_Oh my…is it hot in here, I just want to kiss him so bad. Oh he's got presents! How did I not notice that?_

"Whatchya got?"

"Presents. I wanted to make up for the mix up with the CD."

"Mix up? Hmpfff"

"Was that a snort?"

_Oh my god did I just snort? No it was a…something else, not a snort._

"No, it wasn't a snort."

_Ah his smile, I think I could faint. Don't stare!_

"Yes it was. Beesly you snorted."

"I hate you. Sit down I need to clean up, don't touch anything!"

"Deal."

_Oh my god!!!!!_

_Don't run, oh geez he's sitting on my couch. MY COUCH!_

_Ok what to wear, don't be gone too long you'll look desperate or weird not sure which._

_Jeans?_

_Skirt?_

_Shorts?_

_Capris?_

_Gauchos?_

_Dress?_

_Why so many options?_

_Just put some damn jeans on._

_Ok. Jeans, check._

_Sweater?_

_T-shirt?_

_Blouse?_

_Tank?_

_Halter?_

_How about this?_

_I like this shirt. I'm sure he will too._

_Now carefully glance into the mirror._

_AHHH!_

_Oh my…argh!_

_He saw me looking like this!?_

_Shake it out, ow ow ow, knot._

_Where's my mousse?_

_There that looks…presentable?_

_Maybe I should put some lip gloss on, yea, lip gloss is good._

_I can't stop shaking. He's totally in my living room, right now, sitting on my couch._

_This is weird._

_Walk slowly._

_I'm probably going to end up chewing my bottom lip off tonight. There goes the lip gloss._

"So, what are you doing here?"

"Oh, well I came to see you."

_Knees don't fail me now._

"Um, so is that for me?"

"No actually I brought it for the guy next door but he's not home."

_Sigh_

"You're horrible."

"Sit down."

_How close should I sit? I haven't sat next to him since I said I…since we said it._

_I guess this is close enough. Our knees are inches from each other yeah that's close enough._

_Oh my god! That's my hand, that's totally my hand, he's touching my hand. Correction: holding my hand!_

_Why can't I look at him?_

_It's just Jim. I've seen his face before, it's not scary or anything._

_Right?_

"Why is this so hard?"

"That's what she said."

"Oh stop it…I'm trying to be serious."

"I know. I'm not sure why it's hard but if it helps it's hard for me too."

_My brain is blank. There's nothing there, how is that possible?_

"I missed you."

"I missed you too. Pam, look at me."

_Oh crapola I'm going to cry._

"I can't. I'll cry."

"It's ok, I already am."

_Wow. My chest hurts. He looks so depressing._

"I'm so sorry"

_His chest is warm, his arms are really tight around me, it's nice. This is nice._

_I fit perfectly, just right here._

"Shhhh."

_Now that I can't see him I guess I can be honest. Seems stupid since he is still right here. Duh, but I can't see his face, so I won't know how he reacts. GO!_

_I wanted to do this, just sit like this a lot. More times than I can count. I wanted to be able to touch him, I wanted him to hold me. I don't know how I maintained myself many many times. Those small instances when there were stolen touches I would remember for days. I would feel the heat on my skin for hours._

_Why can't I say this out loud. It's just Jim._

_Just Jim._

_No such thing as __**just**__ Jim._

"I love you."

_Wow but I can say that._

_Maybe he didn't hear me._

_Oh no, he's crying harder._

_His hands are soft, I don't think I'm breathing anymore._

_This…uh…um…lips…my…_

_Mmmmm._

_This is by far the best kiss of all time._

_Wow I'm kissing Jim! Again!_

_His hair is really soft._

_He smells good._

_Maybe he'll spend the night._

_Maybe we'll just stay like this all night._

_Oh he's pulling back…_

"I love you too"

_Wow, that sounds even better when you can see him say it._

_Now I need to kiss him!_

_His hands are warm._

_This is incredible._

_Is he my boyfriend now?_

_Jim is my boyfriend._

_Right?_

_That's what this generally means._

_That was nice._

_I think I'm just going to lie here, just like this._

_I can hear his heart._

_It's beating quickly._

_Mine probably is too._

_Should I remind him about my gift?_

_No._

_Not yet…_

* * *

Song is called **Backwards** by Rascal Flatts. 


	7. Jim IV

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

Jim is holding Pam close to his chest, and staring forward at the wall across from him.

* * *

_Ok, now what?_

_What do we do?_

_This isn't a normal relationship, this is PAM!_

_I already know what type of yogurt she loves and potato chips, and soda and I don't know how to do this._

_Where do we go from here?_

_Her hair smells really good._

_I guess that's something I could learn, what shampoo she uses._

_Wow did I just think I was going to be using her shower or something?_

_How would I find that out?_

_Shower! Duh!_

_I am not showering in her shower._

_A cold shower would be good now though._

_I don't know what to say._

_I have so many questions._

_I wanted to ask her about that booze cruise we went on._

_About the whole redacted complaint thing._

_My transfer._

_Maybe we'll just never talk about it, maybe we'll just start fresh and new._

_That would probably be easier._

_I wonder what she's thinking, maybe she wants to ask me something._

_I'll just wait for her to talk first._

_There, yeah that's what I'm going to do._

_She has a lot of hair, I can't even see my fingers._

_Where am I going to stay tonight?_

_I didn't even think about that._

_I didn't even bring extra clothes. CRAP!_

_Maybe I can call Mark and he'll let me crash over there._

_Or, maybe…this is a comfy couch._

_Whoa was that my stomach?_

"Hungry?"

"It appears that way. I haven't eaten since lunch and I only had a tuna fish sandwich and some water."

"Tuna fish?"

"Yeah"

_I'm a schmuck I eat tuna and endure being called Big Tuna by Andy so that I didn't have to think of you. How stupid._

_Ham + Cheese Pam Beesly_

_Grape + Soda Pam Beesly_

_Everything, my clothes, my car, my universe always reminds me of her._

_So…I ran. As far and as fast as I could._

_And yet…_

_I end up here._

_**Still**__ end up here._

_I can't even stay mad at her, I guess I should be. I guess there should've been some sort of yelling or at least loud talking but I can't. It's not that easy._

_But here I am…_

_Holding her, smelling her, feeling her, touching her…_

_Kissing her._

_And still a schmuck!_

_Oh is she talking?_

"Huh?"

"I asked you if you wanted to go out? For…dinner. I haven't eaten anything yet either, and you can probably guess what I had for lunch."

_That is the cutest smile._

_Mixed berries._

"Yeah, have anything in mind?"

_Wait!_

_Is this a date?_

_Are we going out on a date?_

_No, it's just food. Sustenance, eating, filling our stomachs._

_Not date._

_Right?_

_Unless she wants it to be a date._

_I haven't even given her her gifts yet._

"I don't know…how about Cugino's?"

_Cugino's!_

_Do you think…no…she probably doesn't remember._

"Sounds good, yeah I love Cugino's. Do you want to open your gift now?"

_She hasn't let go of my hand yet._

"YES!"

_Don't shake as you hand her the bag._

_Also, don't pass out._

"Here."

_Wow, just rip that tissue paper._

"What's this?"

_The card I was stupid enough to take back._

"Your teapot was missing the card that went along with it, I…found it when I moved."

_I'm going to puke._

_Her hands are shaking._

"How…did you…wow. Thank you."

_Phew, she's smiling._

"Keep going, there's more."

"Valentine's Day card?"

"It's a make up gift."

"Uh."

_Is she crying?_

"I hope that's ok."

"Of course! It's…great, just…great. Oh my god! _This_ is awesome!"

"Yeah I figured some lessons would be good for you Beesly, you really sucked at ice skating when we went to that rink for Michael's birthday. Plus I kept one for me so I'll join you in the class, and be there to watch every single fall, and take notations of how many times you land on your butt."

_So far so good._

"I was doing just fine without your help."

"Sure if you call moving an inch a minute with your arms out at your sides, doing just fine, so be it."

_I missed her._

_I missed this._

"What's this? You know I can't use this!"

_Ow, she punches harder than I remember._

"Oh come on just wear a disguise, you know you love those second drinks. Maybe we can use it tonight and go there for dinner. Michael does say Chili's is the next Radisson."

_Whoa, ok tossing it across the room like a frisbee is another good use for it._

"Ok let's see what else is in here…Oh my god! These are totally cool. Where did you find these? They're so small."

"Actually when I was wandering the aisles of Walgreen's one time I saw them hanging there, calling my name. They're perfect for tossing into Dwight's coffee cup. Now you can keep your paperclips for work related stuff."

"Yes because I paper clip so many things. Wow these are so cool, and 12 should be sufficient. Do they bounce just like regular basketballs?"

"Yes they do, so just be careful not to beam Phyllis in the back of the head."

"Good point."

_Last but not least_

"You bought the CD?"

"Actually I bought two copies so I could keep one, and this will be the one from me to you." _Breathe_. "I picked out a song, just for you."

"Which one? I have it already in my CD player, that's what I was blasting when you showed up, unexpectedly."

"Actually it's a mix of two. There are moments actually when I could say every song has some sort of you in them, but these two do it for me. **Yes I Do** and **To Make Her Love Me**"

"I love those songs."

_Her face is so soft, so gorgeous, I haven't looked in her eyes in a long time, and I hadn't realized it until just now._

_She's playing Yes I Do first, good._

"It's just the first part of it, since… I hope I haven't lost it forever."

Do I cry, in the night?  
Do I long to hold you tight?  
And do I wake, wanting you?  
Yes I do  
Do I recall, everyday,  
How you took my breath away?  
Do I remember loving you?  
Yes I do

_My chest feels really tight._

_She's sitting so close to me I can feel her breathe._

"I love it"

_She won't look at me._

_Actually that's alright._

"Um…uh then on the…other one…it's the uh chorus and second verse."

"I want to hear this whole song first, then I'll switch it. Ok?"

"Yeah, sure."

_Her palm is sweaty, or maybe that's my sweat. Ew._

_Be sly and pull it away and delicately wipe it off, not on the couch, use your leg. _

_I don't think she noticed, now take her hand back._

_Wait where's she…oh the song._

I've seen what you can do  
I've seen you make miracles and hopeless dreams come true  
You've made the heavens and the stars  
Everything, come on how hard  
Could it be, To make her love me?

I've said some things I shouldn't have  
Tried everything to win her back  
I'm human, I messed up, Is she gone?, Are we done?  
Forgiveness, another chance, that's all I want, it's in your hands

_Pull her down next to you, not on your lap stupid, and take both hands. Now say it…_

"Another chance, that's all I want, it's in your hands."

_Her fingers are so long, so pretty, her skin is so soft._

"Yes."

_Yes? Was that a yes?_

"Really?"

"Of course."

_Wow._

_Don't squeeze her to death._

_I think I heard her shoulders pop._

_Her hair is tickling my neck, ah!_

"Cugino's?"

"Yeah, wait let me get the CD."

* * *

Both songs are off of Rascal Flatt's "Me and My Gang"

Feel free to review!


	8. Pam IV

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

Pam's looking out the passenger window staring at the scenery moving past the car, lost in deep thought.

* * *

_I really shouldn't chew on my nails._

_Look at them, they look horrible. I should put some nail polish on this weekend, at least clear so I won't bite them._

_So…I'm going to dinner with Jim._

_We've never really gone anywhere together like this._

_Well there was that grocery trip we took, but that was work related, somehow._

_That doesn't count._

_This counts, this totally counts._

_This is the longest 10 minutes of my life._

_Maybe I should say something, what's there to say?_

_I should've put a skirt on._

_He's still wearing his work clothes, I feel underdressed._

_Are those new pants? I don't think I've ever seen that shirt before either._

_He looks…nice._

_Ok so he looks better than nice, he can't hear me I can think it._

_He looks SEXY!_

_I should really just reach over and touch his hair._

_Maybe if I pretend to push it back or something it won't be as weird._

_Well would it be weird? I think it's official that I'm his girlfriend now, I can touch him._

_Oh geez he just saw me staring at him, oh look that tree is…pretty._

_Is he still looking at me?_

_No, phew._

"So…how's work?"

_Normally I would know this answer but he's not across from me anymore, that's sad._

"Same, you know? Lame. Actually do you know what my boss makes us do? We have to play this computer game together like every week, it's called Call Of Duty. Everyone's crazy into it. I have no idea what I'm doing. Actually I got yelled at because of it."

"At least he didn't out you in front of the whole office."

"What? He…what?"

"Yeah…Oscar."

"No way, and Michael outted him?"

"In front of everyone. Oscar's on vacation now for six months. Maybe I'll somehow get Michael to out me and I can get a six month paid vacation. OHH! You don't even know the half of it I forgot you weren't there, Michael than kissed Oscar, on the MOUTH!"

"Did they get that on tape?"

"But of course!"

"I'll be making a call on Monday. Now that explains why Michael called asking about Gaydar."

"Oh! Then Dwight stood up and tried to do the same thing!"

"Whoa! I should've stayed."

_Yeah, you should've. Awkward silence swarming now. I miss having a ring on my finger to twirl. Maybe I'll go pick up something to wear on my right hand so I can play with it._

"Pam?"

"Uh huh?"

"I should've stayed."

_That's my hand. His hands are much softer then…nope don't think about him, this is about Jim._

_We're here, and now neither one of us wants to get out._

"I guess we should go inside, that stomach of yours hasn't quieted down."

_It's so cute though._

"Wow I thought you couldn't hear it…great. Let's go then."

_The cool air feels good, it was getting a little warm in there._

_I'm just going to put my hands in my pockets._

_Wow so charming, he even opens doors._

"Two please. A booth if you have one available."

_Maybe that one in the corner is available then we could sit next to each other._

_Oh good!_

_Just slide in and sit close to the middle maybe he'll get the hint._

_He's so smart._

_I think I can feel his shoe against my foot._

_Stare at the menu; figure out what you want to eat quit getting distracted._

"What would you two like to drink?"

"Um actually I just want a glass of water."

_Maybe that will help cool me down and calm my nerves._

"I'll have a Coke. Thanks… Water?"

"Yeah, I figured it will quench my thirst."

"Quench your thirst? You should've asked for a Gatorade."

"Next time maybe I will."

_Wow how old am I, I just stuck my tongue out at him. DORK-Alert!_

"Are you ready? What would you like to have tonight?"

"I'll have the Spaghetti, please."

"And you sir?"

"Um, I'll have the Chicken Parmesan."

"Sounds good"

_MMMmm that does sound good. Damn._

"So are you going home tonight or…are you going to stay in town?"

"Oh…uh actually I hadn't even thought it through that far. I was thinking maybe I'd call Mark and ask if I can crash on his couch or something. I didn't even bring a change of clothes. It was a sort of spur of the moment thing."

"Really? You know if dinner and whatever uh goes late you know you can stay at my place…My couch is kind of short but it's really comfy, or you know what you could even sleep in my bed and I could take the couch or something since you're probably a good six inches longer than my couch. Not that I measured you, or my couch."

_Just stop talking!!_

"Alright, thanks."

_Ok, that was harmless._

_Oh my god! He's going to stay at my place! He might sleep in my bed! Whoa I can feel my cheeks burning just thinking about that._

_Think of something else._

_Hurry…_

_Lollipops!!_

_Butterflies!!_

_Lemons!_

_Tablecloth!_

_Fork._

_Dinner._

…_Jim._

_Ok I'm better now._

"We could go pick a movie up or something after dinner, you know if you wanted. Or we could stay up and watch Battlestar Galactica if you'd prefer."

"Funny Beesly. Just because I'm playing computer games now doesn't mean I'm officially becoming Dwight. Or is it Dwigt now?"

"I've typed his name like that in some of my emails to him but I think he just ignores it, or maybe he doesn't even see it."

"You know what I've been doing? I took some of his stationary from him before I left and I've been sending him faxes every week from Future Dwight. Has he done anything crazy perhaps without any explanation?"

"You're asking about Dwight right? Everything he does is unexplained. But do you happen to still have those? Send them to me and I'll let you know what happened as a result."

"That's true. Yeah I'll send you a copy, I'm sure he's reacted just how I expected, or it is Dwight, maybe in ways I never expected."

_The usual banter, it calms the nerves._

"How's the chicken?"

"Really good how's yours?"

"Good. Do you remember when we came here that first day I started working at Dunder-Mifflin?"

_I'm sure he doesn't remember that was such a long time ago._

"Oh…uh yeah, yeah I remember."

"We never came back after that, I wonder why. Actually we never went out to lunch again. How come we never went out?"

"Well……I don't know."

"Jim? That's not true, why?"

"Roy."

"What? Did he say something to you?"

"No, no that's not what I meant…Ok so…when we came here that day I hadn't known about Roy. You didn't mention it and you had left your ring home that day so I had hoped it was our first date, or a date of any sort, but then when we got back, there he was…in the parking lot…and you introduced us. That's why I never asked you to come back. Actually I haven't been here since."

_Wow, I mean, wow._

"Oh."

"I guess that's also why I never asked you out to lunch again, didn't want to get my hopes up, you know? So I'm a loser."

"What? No you're not, I just…I had no idea. Wow we were best friends for so long and we knew so much about each other, and yet there's a lot of things we didn't know. Crazy."

"Yeah."

_I've been swirling this bit of noodle now for five minutes, just eat it._

"I don't think I can eat anymore, I'm stuffed."

"Yeah me too, no dessert for us."

"I have some jelly beans at my place if during the movie, you know, we need a snack."

"You should buy stock in Jelly Belly all the merchandise you buy."

"Actually I haven't bought any in a little while. No one was eating them, and they were just getting hard."

"Yeah, I guess I was the only one who ate them."

"Yep."

_I miss him so much._

"So movie?"

"Yeah, I'm thinking something funny, a comedy would be good."

"How about a classic?"

"Classic? Like what?"

"Bachelor Party?"

"What? That silly Tom Hanks 80's movie?"

"Yeah, come on it's a classic."

"A classic in whose eyes?"

"Oh come on when was the last time you saw it? I think you just need a refresher Beesly."

"Ok, but I will hold it against you if I don't laugh."

"Deal!"

* * *

Feel free to review but they're not mandatory I will continue to write even if you don't review. I'm just loving it way too much! 

(My boyfriend has the official **Bachelor Party** fan site and this is just a little shout out to my own Jim)


	9. Jim V

* * *

Jim and Pam are seated on her couch watching the movie. Pam's leaning into Jim's side while his arm is behind her lying on the couch cushion.

* * *

_This movie is pretty goofy._

_At least Pam's here._

_I haven't kissed her since we got back from dinner._

_Maybe I should._

_No, don't ruin it._

_Things have just gotten over being awkward don't bring the party down._

_Her hair smells nice._

_Maybe that's her lotion._

_Or, her perfume._

_Mmmm, Pam wearing perfume._

_I wonder if she'd use a spray or one that she has to dab on._

_Would she put some behind her ear?_

_Or maybe on her neck, or down her chest._

_Wow! Watch the movie, phew._

_Is it hot in here?_

_I wonder if she'll put her hair down before we go to sleep, down, all the way._

_Completely unreal, I'll be sleeping here._

_I'll…be…sleeping…at Pam's!_

_In her place, on her couch._

_Or…maybe her bed._

_She's right this is sort of a short couch._

_I would have a major crick in my neck tomorrow._

_It would be worth it though._

_GAH!_

_Hand on knee!_

_Her hand is on my knee._

_Pam's…hand…is…ooohhh_

_She moved it._

_Maybe my staring, drooling and heart rate increase scared her off._

_Duh!_

_I'm such a dork._

_Ok this scene is awkward._

_Don't stare._

_Hurry, hurry I don't need to see topless women on the screen while Pam is next to me._

_I just want to see one woman topless._

_Wow, just thought of Pam topless._

_Good thing her hand isn't on my knee now._

_Deep breath._

_Deeper._

_Deeper._

_Now exhale slowly_

_Maybe count down from ten to one._

_Damn!!_

_Not working._

_Should I kiss her?_

_Take your hand and pull her hair off her neck slowly._

_Watch her._

"Hi"

"Hey"

"Do you want to watch the rest of this?"

"No, I kind of just like sitting here with you, we could talk some more."

"Well Beesly I'm flattered. You picking me over Tom Hanks and all."

"As long as you'd pick me over Tawny Kitaen."

"I don't know…have you seen that White Snake video?"

"Shut it."

_Ow, sucker punch._

"Showing the love now, I see."

_Oh…ok_

_Wow, that's a rough kiss._

_Don't lose it, just accept however far she pushes._

_Not that far!_

_Did she mean to put her hand there?_

_Um…maybe._

_What happened to talking?_

_Ok, ok…pull back._

"What happened to the talking? You're mauling me Beesly, whoa!"

"What? I wasn't doing anything?"

_She's so adorable_

"Uh huh, I think you were using me, I'm not a cheap piece of meat."

_Ok…her finger trailing down my chest, that's…wow._

_This is going to get out of hand._

_Maybe some water would be good._

"Where are you going?"

"Just thought I'd enjoy some of your fancy water here in this _one_ kitchen."

"What?"

"Actually…I'm thinking of pouring this water over my head, it's a little warm in here."

_No, no stay…in…there._

_Don't follow me._

_Mmmm, she smells so good._

"Here, let me help you then"

"Wait…don't!"

_COLD!_

_Oh my…I'm…uh_

"Better?"

"Uh, yes. Thank you. However, now my shirt and my head is soaking wet."

_Oh yeah that's cold._

* * *

I have the next chapter already to go so expect a quick update.Oh and: Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *


	10. Pam V

* * *

Pam is helping Jim out of his very wet shirt.

* * *

"Good thing I found an apartment complex with a washer and dryer in the units"

"Or, you could've just left me dry."

_Wow. I never noticed how broad his shoulders are._

_Or that little bit of chest hair._

_Totally sexy._

_Jim Halpert is shirtless._

_In my apartment!_

"But where's the fun in that?"

_Yes, totally sexy._

"I don't know. Would you like it if I poured an ice cold beverage over your head?"

"Well you did say you were hot, and that that was your intention."

"Yes, well I never figured you'd do something like that. Now I'm feeling so… exposed."

_Look at those arms._

_Wow._

_Gorgeous biceps._

_He should be shirtless more often._

_Well except the people at Stamford would see it, more than me_

_Aw now I'm sad_

"I'm sorry."

_Maybe I'll sit over here, and watch the rest of this movie._

_I don't want to think about him leaving._

_Again._

"Hey. What happened? What's up?"

"Nothing. I just figured since we did rent this maybe we should finish it. I'm sure I can find you an old t-shirt to wear. Maybe I have one of Roy's old…or um…I'm sure I have a large or extra large shirt that will fit you."

_Oh my god I almost offered him one of Roy's shirts!_

_I don't even have one of his shirts._

_Do I?_

_No, no I don't._

_Don't walk into the wall._

_Ok…_

_Shirt…_

_Shirt…_

_Shirt…_

_Here, this should work._

"You know, if you can't find anything don't worry about it."

"No…here this should fit you. I think it's actually a man's shirt so it will fit you."

"Does this say Dunder-Mifflin?"

"Yes."

"Did you actually take one of these?"

"Well, Michael said he saved one just for me, so I took it and it's been in my dresser ever since. Look, now it's coming in handy. You just never know."

"And look, perfect fit."

_At least I can still see the biceps._

"It was made for you."

_Dunder Mifflin, Scranton._

_Why'd he leave?_

_Don't be depressed now, show him some of your stuff._

_You do have an art show coming up in a couple months, maybe he'd want to see some._

"So movie?"

"Actually, do you want to see some of my art? I just figured since you'll be going…home…this weekend and you're not really around that, uh. You might…"

"Sure, yeah, no I'd love to see some."

"Oh, ok. Great. Well you can come with me to my room or I can bring them out here."

"I'll come with you."

O…K… 

_Take his hand._

_He's going to see your room._

_I hope it's clean._

_I did have laundry sorted everywhere, but I think I shoved it back in my closet._

_Yes, phew._

"You can just sit on my bed. Everything's sort of scattered around. Let me pull some stuff out."

_Hmmm, where's that one sketch._

_I don't know if I want to show him any I did, of __him_

_Well I'll save them for last._

_Here these are good ones._

"Wow. These are…wow…just incredible."

"Thanks. These were sketches I did at my desk then did watercolor over. See…that's my stapler. Oh and that's your…or I guess it's Ryan's monitor now."

"Oh yeah, that looks about at the right angle my computer was at."

"So you really like them?"

"Of course. They're great! They're awesome, I'm so proud of you. I'm so glad you're doing this."

"Thank you. Wow. You know what? I have a few special ones. I wasn't sure I was going to show you but you buttered me up so well, I can't refuse."

"Nice, my plan is working perfectly."

_He's so gorgeous._

_He looks so perfect sitting on my bed._

_Just like how I sat on his at his party._

_I wanted to kiss him that night._

_I guess I could've, but no. It's better this way._

"Here…"

_Oh please like them!_

"Oh…are…is…?"

"Those are your hands, and those are your eyes, and that one is… your lips. That last one is…well. Your desk, and…us."

"Wow. I didn't think it was possible for me to be more in love with you…but I am."

_That's not what I was expecting._

"That is the best review I've ever gotten."

"Come here."

_His hands are so soft._

_He's so warm._

_He smells so good. I wonder if that's his soap._

_I wonder if I'll ever get used to him kissing me!_

_I hope not._

_I want every time, every instance to be just like this…always._

_I can wish, right?_

* * *

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *


	11. Jim VI

* * *

Jim and Pam are back on her couch watching a new movie, Stranger Than Fiction.

* * *

"I'd go the whole wide world, I'd go the whole wide world…"

"Beesly? Are you singing?"

_Wow totally adorable._

"Maybe."

"Ow."

_That nudge was a little rough_

"Wuss"

"Maybe"

_Now I'm just mocking her._

"What? I just love this song. Can't I sing?"

"Well……"

_Ok now I'm just asking for it._

_Ahhhh, whoa tickling not fair._

"Hey, hey whoa watch the…ow. Ok ok you can sing, you sound great, it's a beautiful voice you have. Alright alright."

"Just watch the movie, it's sweet. I like her hair cut. I wonder what my hair would look like if I cut it like that. I'm sure chaotic."

_Hmmm, Pam with short hair. That could be sexy actually._

_It looks soft, I could run my fingers through it._

_Help push it out of her eyes._

_Oh is she waiting for me to respond?_

_I thought she could read my mind._

"I think it would look really good on you actually."

"Thank you. I really love this movie, I've always wanted to own my own shop. I don't know about a bakery but something, maybe a floral shop, or an art supply store. Something fun and just my own."

"Really? I never figured you'd want to do that?"

_You learn something new everyday._

_Cliché._

"Yeah actually I wanted to do that awhile ago but Roy never thought that was realistic. Now I'm just living the dream over at Dunder Mifflin."

_Ok that's it, she's getting out of there._

_If it's the last thing I do._

_Cliché, again._

_Maybe I only think in cliché's._

_At least I don't speak them._

"I think you should try, at least."

"Yeah ok, I'll get right on that."

_She has no idea._

"No, I'm serious. Maybe at least look into it."

"Jim."

_Oh no you don't, don't give me that look._

_You want to have a look fight?_

_Oh, you're starting it with the wrong man._

_I am Jim, man of a thousand looks!_

"Pam!"

_See that was 'oh don't go there' look_

_Then I have 'sentimental' look_

_And then 'innocent' look_

'_Dwight's an idiot' look_

_There's so many._

"Alright I get it, you're adorable."

_Yes._

_I won._

"Takes one to know one."

"Ok, and now you're Pee Wee?"

"You don't want to get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel."

"Ohhh, Pee-Wee."

_Mmmm, more kisses._

"We should have another movie night, tomorrow. I'll bring the Pee-Wee's Big Adventure and popcorn and you bring the bike!"

"You're a dork. First let's finish this movie, I love this movie, don't ruin it! You've talked over the juiciest scene already."

"Well your DVD player does have a rewind function doesn't it? Or is this some sort of 1990's version that didn't come with that yet?"

"Very cute. No it's brand new, I didn't get… my old one."

_Ah, Roy, figures._

_Ok change of subject, don't need that psychopath running through my head now._

_Is he really a psychopath?_

_No…why would I think he was? Interesting._

_I wonder how the break up went._

_Did she mention me?_

_I hope not._

_Maybe there's one good reason I'm in Stamford…Roy._

_Don't need him trying to kill me._

_Or beat me up._

_I bruise easily._

_And I'm sure he would try to kill me._

_This is Roy._

_He tried to kill me that day in the office, all I was doing was talking close._

_And holding her hand…_

_And my arm was around her…_

_And we were really close._

_Alright!_

_I've convinced myself that Roy was right._

_DAMN!_

_This movie is weird._

_Good, but weird._

_Well maybe weird isn't the right word._

_I wonder if Dwight counts his toothbrush strokes._

_Probably._

_Wow I almost forgot I was at Pam's._

_This just feels so right._

_Hmmm, nice._

"So do you want me to pull my guitar out and play that for you?"

"Yes actually I do."

"Will you attack me like Maggie did?"

'_Smirk' face._

"Only if you play as well as Will did."

"Was that really that _well_? I thought it was more, quiet, then well."

"Suck it Halpert."

_I love her, so much._

* * *

The song Pam was singing is Whole Wide World by Wreckless Eric, it's so great I've probably listened to it 30 times just today. It totally pumped me up and helped me get through this chapter. Thanks to everyone who's reading it and reviewing it!

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.


	12. Pam VI

* * *

The sun is shining through the blinds in Pam's bedroom straight into her eyes.

* * *

_Mmmm, what's…?_

_Jim._

_He has a lot more chest hair then I imagined._

_Oh no I think I woke him up._

"Good morning."

"Hey stranger, sorry I didn't mean to wake you."

"Oh no, don't be sorry. I would love to be awakened by you every morning, it's a lovely surprise."

"Well thank you."

_Oh my god I have bad breath._

_Guh so does he._

"What's so funny?"

"Your breath is stank."

"You're not so charming yourself this morning."

"Oh shut up."

_I'll just lay my head on his chest my hair will be the breath buffer._

"Pffpt, can you keep the wild mane out of my face? Maybe?"

"Sorry, but no. Deal with it."

"Oh, so feisty already this early in the morning. You're just lucky I kept my hands to myself last night, so I have the strength to attack you this morning."

"Don't even think about it Halpert, just don't…no…ahhh…ok!"

_Ahhh I have to pee no, no no no no nonononononononooooooo._

_Whoa cold floor, ahhh!_

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Nooo! Stay away! AHHH, quit!"

_Oh geez, didn't mean to slam it that hard._

"I can take the hint Beesly. No need to take my face off with the door."

"Sorry."

"Are you laughing at my pain?"

"Maybe. Go make me breakfast."

"I'm not your chef you know. Plus this is your apartment; shouldn't you take care of your guests?"

"I need to take a shower and get your stinky smell off of me. All this tickling and wrestling, now I smell like a boy."

"Are you saying I stink?"

"Yes, yes I am Jim."

"Fine take your shower. I'll just hang out in here, and do nothing."

"Stay out of my stuff!"

"Am I a snoop?"

"Maybe."

_Water's still cold…_

_Should I lock the door?_

_No, but I do feel the need to tease him._

_I wonder if he's still in there._

_Open the door slowly so he doesn't hear you._

"What are you doing?"

"Ah! You scared me."

"I thought you were getting in the shower. You know if I stand right…here, I can see you in the mirror."

"GAH!"

_Damn him!_

"So what were you doing?"

"I was trying to tease you."

"Didn't work did it?"

"Doesn't appear that way. Ok fine I'm getting in now so I won't hear you if you keep talking."

_Whole Wide World…I'd go the whole wide world._

_I still have that song stuck in my head._

_Tahiti…when I was a young boy…my mother said to me…_

"Are you singing?"

"JIM!!!"

"Ok! Whoops."

"What the hell are you doing!? Get out of here, wait…are you? Oh my!"

_He's totally naked, oh my god._

_Don't stare._

_Whoa! Hello!_

_I think my face is completely red now._

"Can I join you? I thought I'd help save some water and just share with you."

_Oh my god, is he serious?_

"Uh…are you serious?"

_Oh, hand._

_Just take his hand and pull him in, afraid?_

"Yes."

_Was that me or him?_

_Sigh._

_Wow, he's…_

_Mmmm._

_Don't stare at it, geez._

_Oh and the tile is cold, whoa back cold!_

"Ok, we need to shift, this tile is really cold on my back."

"Oh Beesly."

_Mmmm water is warm now._

_Wow he looks so sexy._

_His hair all wet._

_His hands feel so soft._

"Is this really happening?"

_Did I just ask that silly question?_

"If you want it to."

_Nod, just nod, I don't think I could say it but…_

_YEESSSS!!!_

"Yes, yes I do."

"You're gorgeous. Do you have any idea how beautiful you are, really?"

"Oh quit it, you're just saying that."

"No, Pam you are utterly breathtaking."

"You're rather sexy yourself Mr. Halpert."

"Moi?"

"Oui."

"Do you know what my favorite Pam part is?"

"Have no idea."

_My legs are feeling weak._

"This…this right here. It's a very sensitive spot on your neck, and I can just kiss right here, and it causes a wave of reaction. Watch…"

_Uhhh, whoa. _

"Wow."

"Mm, hmm. Plus it tastes delicious."

"Do it again."

_Ok, knees don't fail me now._

_Feeling…light…headed._

"Come with me…"

_Oh where are we…actually I probably already know that answer._

"I need a towel, and so do you. You're all wet."

"So are you."

"More then you know"

"Beesly. I'm shocked."

_Oh no you don't._

"There might actually be a few things about me you don't know Jim Halpert."

"Oh really? What would that be?"

"You'll just have to wait and find out."

"I can't wait…Will you at least kiss me?"

"Absolutely I will."

"Niiice."

_So adorable._

_I know I've thought that before, like a million times but he's always being so adorable._

"Don't make me think of Kevin in a moment like this. That's just cruel."

"Well his favorite number is 69."

"You're too much."

"So rough Beesly. Be gentle."

"What if I like it rough?"

"Oh…well then by all means!"

"Ahh, dork. I'm going to fall off the bed."

"I'm not letting go. So if you fall, I fall."

_Amazing._

_Absolutely amazing._

_Or as I've heard Kelly say amaaaazing!_

_Oh wow that feels good._

_Mmm, wait…oh right…oooh_

"You're incredible."

"You're not too bad yourself."

"I love you."

"Wow. I'm still not sure I'm used to that yet."

"Do I need to say it more?"

"Of course."

"Ok, then I love you. I love your face, your nose…"

_Kiss_

"Your eyes, your cheeks…"

_Kiss_

"Your ears, your hair, your sexy luscious lips."

_Kiss_

"Your neck, your chest. Mmmm I'm really beginning to love your chest."

"Go on…"

_Kiss_

"Your sexy arms, and shoulders, your elbows…"

"Elbows? You love my elbows?"

"They are the sexiest elbows I've ever seen. So yes."

"Alright, continue."

"Your wrists, your palms, your fingers."

"Ok, that feels good. Wait you forgot this finger…"

_Mmmm, yummy._

"What about me? What do you love about me?"

"Well…I do love your smile, your eyes, your hair. Whether it's up, down, curly, straight, wavy however it's always utterly sexy."

"Really? Thank you."

"I'm really beginning to love your chest too."

_Oh my god!_

"Perv."

"Maybe."

"Ok, go on, what else?"

"Your fingers, are also very sexy, I love them too."

_Lovely_

"Don't stop now."

"Your hips, are perfect, your legs are sexy as hell, these calves are very biteable."

"You know I can kick you."

"Alright, I won't test you. Oh and these terribly adorable feet, with the perfect toes, I love them too."

"Mmmm, that feels good. I think I could get used to all this attention."

"Well we do have all day today, and all day tomorrow."

"So, you're not leaving today?"

"Never even crossed my mind."

_I was so worried this would be short lived._

"Good then I can enjoy your body all…day…long."

"Wow I had no idea your brain could go that far in the gutter Beesly."

"Oh. But you love it."

"I adore it."

_Ok…_

_No more talking._

* * *

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. 


	13. Jim VII

* * *

Jim is in his car on the highway heading back to Stamford

* * *

_What am I going to do?_

_This weekend was incredible._

_Where do we go from here?_

_How do we live our lives now that I'm not in Scranton?_

_Whoa, maybe I should pay attention to traffic while I assess my life._

_Everything seemed ok when I left this afternoon, between us._

_I wish I could've stayed._

_Damn work._

_Ugh, Andy._

_I hope we don't have to play Call of Duty tomorrow._

_I will be a total mess and honestly I don't need Andy or Josh giving me shit._

_Maybe I can get Karen into an alliance with me and she can help me._

_No…_

_Maybe I shouldn't befriend her._

_I think I've noticed some…looks._

_Naw, stop being so egotistical._

_Not every girl is into you, dork._

_Wow now I'm even calling myself a dork, just reiterating that fact I suppose._

_Oh Pam._

_Why did you have to wait until I was gone?_

_Why?_

_She could've stopped me, she should've._

_I know, she had to deal with the whole Roy thing, the wedding, the mess._

_You know we never talked about that this weekend._

_Maybe she doesn't want to._

_Hey asshole use your turn signal!_

_Fuck._

_Almost veered me off the road._

_Ok take a deep breath, Pam doesn't need a phone call from the police that I got into some crazy road rage fiasco._

_Damn it._

_I can't put in a transfer back to Scranton._

_I can't even talk to Jan about the whole thing, maybe if I talked to Josh._

_No, Josh is cool but, he's hard to confide in._

_Michael was the complete opposite._

_Easy to confide to but really you shouldn't._

_That whole Booze Cruise thing was a debacle._

_I guess it ended up smoothing out._

_Still that's not really the way I had envisioned telling Pam that I'd had feelings for her. _

_Feelings for years._

_Especially by calling it a crush._

_Oh it was no crush_

_Unless the feeling of my heart being crushed with emotions is a crush then I suppose…_

_Maybe._

_She's so beautiful._

_I miss her already._

_Maybe I'll call her._

_Not now, this road is nutty enough I don't need to add a cell phone to the mix._

_Whoa, look at that car, it's totally driving on the shoulder._

_Hey idiot the roads over here._

_There ya go…people._

_Yuck was that a squirrel or a cat or something?_

_Ugh I bet Dwight would've stopped and said some ridiculous mantra about wasting food._

_I wonder what he's up to lately._

_Probably getting more work done since I'm not there to distract him._

_I hope Pam's at least continued with some of it._

_Maybe._

_When I get home I will be calling her._

_I know I told her I would anyway so she knew I was home safe but I just miss her so bad._

_This is going to be rough._

_What will we do?_

_Maybe she can move here._

_Maybe find a job with a design company._

_She really needs to do something with her art work._

_Her talent is being wasted._

_I wish she had the confidence to show it off more._

_That one she was working on of the office building was so great._

_She has that perfect perspective eye._

_I never really was that creative._

_Always the jock, not like Roy though._

_Maybe Pam has a thing for athletes._

_Hmmm…I'll have to ask when I call her._

_I still have my high school uniform._

_I bet she'd love to see me in that._

_Those short shorts are probably a little tight now, but she'd laugh so hard._

_I love making her smile._

_Whoops I almost missed my exit._

_Sorry!_

_At least he didn't throw things at my car._

_Only a few more blocks then I can call Pam._

_Maybe next weekend she'll come here._

_I really want to show her around, she'd like it, I'm sure._

_I suppose I'm close enough home for it to be safe to call._

_It's a good thing I programmed her number in with voice recognition._

"Say a name or say dial…"

"Pam"

"Calling…Pam"

_One ringie dingie_

_Two ringie dingie_

_Come on love of my life…pick up the phone_

_Thre…_

"Hello"

"Hey I'm almost home."

"Who is this?"

"What, you're kidding me right?"

"Yeah I just wanted to freak you out. So how was the drive?"

"It was good, only hit 2 deer and rear-ended a station wagon with what appeared to be a nursery school in the back. So I think I did pretty well."

"Sounds like the perfect driver as always."

"You know me, Driving Miss Daisy gave me all sorts of practice."

"Ohhh that's right. Oh now I can't wait to say _Home James_."

"I think I might even let you. It just sounded too adorable to resist."

_Wow this woman is incredible._

_Maybe someday my home will be her home._

"Mi casa es su casa."

"What?"

"It's Spanish. My house is your house."

"Were you just reading my thoughts? That's really creepy."

"What? No, why were you thinking that? Do you think in Spanish?"

"Actually, Portuguese."

"Oh, that makes sense then. Well, then what were you thinking, in Portuguese?"

"Nothing…"

"Wait. What? You cannot ask me if I was reading your thoughts then blow it off, you need to spill Halpert I will not accept this malfeasance."

"You're right, you're right. Ok…"

_Wow, how do I say this?_

"Go on, I'm waiting."

"Actually I can completely imagine that. You're standing there with the phone in your hand and your arms crossed with one foot a little in front of you as you lean on the other."

"Quit stalling."

"Ok, so I was…I was thinking that it would be cool if someday…um…if someday…actually my exact thought was…someday my home will be your home, when I drive you home."

_Holy cow._

_Ok…_

_She's not saying anything._

_Was that a choke or a sigh or a laugh, some sort of air noise I can tell but what kind._

_I hate phones._

"That's completely…ridiculous."

_Oh my god, she's laughing._

_Great now I'm never talking again._

_Nope that's it._

_I'm done._

"Fine, fine. I will never talk to you again. Well I guess this is good bye Pam. It's been nice knowing you."

"Oh shut it. Ok, it was very sweet. Actually I've had that thought many times, not the Driving Miss Daisy reference but the home. I love it."

_Ok, heart you can lower back down to your usual location in my chest._

_Phew, she drives me mad sometimes._

"Alright well then that's better."

"Are you home yet?"

"Yes actually I just walked inside and I'm taking my coat off."

"Good now I can start breathing again."

"Were you holding your breath?"

"I must have been… until I knew you were safe."

_Wow._

"I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. 


	14. Pam VII

* * *

Pam is back at work on Monday morning.

* * *

"Um, Michael?"

_Oh please don't be weird today._

"Pam…a…lama…ding-dong. Get it?"

_Oh geez_

"Michael I was wondering something. Can I come in?"

"But of course, come in what's wrong, shut the door, is it female issues? I can have Jan call you if you need, or maybe Carol. She's great."

_Shut up!_

"No, Michael that's not it. No I was wondering…"

_How do I put this?_

"…actually you know what maybe I should talk to Toby. Never mind."

"Wait! No. Toby, what? Ick, no Toby, no he won't help you. He can't help himself, how will he help you? Please Pamela, I am the mighty Scott and I am here to help, please sit down."

_Oh great._

_What am I doing?_

"Fine, ok here's the thing. Um, Jim and I were talking this weekend…"

"JIM!?"

_Oh great, please Michael don't do this don't do this._

"Yeah, Jim."

"How is he? Wow, I haven't spoken to him since he abandoned ship and left us all to drown here, alone…so alone."

_Oh my god._

_Is he going to cry?_

_Oh Michael please stop being a sap._

_No, no don't…_

_No I don't want to hug you…_

_Crap._

"Michael please. You're alright, just please I'm not done."

"Oh Pam, but you can't deny he left us here to die. Hey that rhymed, maybe I could make a rap video about the whole situation."

_Wait where's he…no!_

"Michael?"

"Dwight! Get the video camera…oh sorry…not right now though in a little bit I'll come back to you. Sorry I didn't want to lose my muse just in case, you know. Sorry continue, so you were talking to Jim. Wait is this _talking_ or talking? Wink wink."

_This is so wrong._

"No Michael it was talking. Just…no. Ok and I was curious what happens after the transfer, is it possible that if it doesn't work out he can come back here? Smoothly?"

"Wait. Does he not like it there? I knew Josh wasn't better then me did Jim say that? Did he say he missed me? I knew it."

_Oh this is worse then I thought._

_I really need to get out of here._

_I wish I could think of a reason to leave._

"No, Michael he didn't say that. No actually we didn't talk about you or your managerial styles."

"Oh. Ok"

_Oh lovely he's going to cry again._

_Why can't he just…stop._

"No Michael, it's, it's not like that. No just what would happen in this situation?"

"Ok, well he would need to discuss it with Jan, since he went behind my back and spoke to her about it in the first place, then he would have to explain his feelings about Josh and how horrible he is and that he loved me and missed me so much he had to come back. That should do it."

_Ok so that doesn't sound too hard._

"Good, ok. Thanks."

"Oh Pam, before you leave. Honestly…was it…was it me?"

_I can't handle that look._

_He's so pathetic, how can you hurt that man?_

"No Michael, actually, it was me. He loves you."

"Excellent, I knew it. I mean not the part about you, but I did know he had feelings for you, so maybe I did know. Anyway thanks! Ok…Dwight! Camera! Now!"

_Ok then._

_I need to call Jim._

_I don't care if Ryan does hear me._

_Actually from the looks of it Ryan is being cast in Michael's new film._

_Good._

_Maybe I'll wait till lunch._

_Or you know what I can't wait._

_I'll send him an email._

* * *

Jim,

Ok wait that's too formal

Mr. James Halpert ,

There that's better. :)

Ok so I just talked to Michael about the whole transfer thing and he said you would just need to talk to Jan and explain the situation and you'd have to explain why Scranton is better then Stamford.

Michael suggests you tell Jan that Josh is a poopy head and that you miss Michael so much you can't live without him.

I'd however, go with the truth. You probably don't need to go into our love lives but maybe explain the rash decision you made, you might have to eat some crow but I'm sure Jan will understand. I mean she does have this weird thing for Michael so I'm sure she can comprehend making rash emotional decisions. Ew ew bad image in my head.

Oh my goodness, you have no idea what you're missing right now. When I was talking to Michael he had this _vision_ and he's now shooting a new rap music video. Dwight is the ever popular cameraman and Ryan…well Ryan is Micheal's ho. Oh, his ho fo' sho'. I'll try and get a copy of the tape.

Alright I'll talk to you later, miss you, more then you know.

I love you (I still can't get used to actually telling you that)

Pam

* * *

_I know exactly what Jim would be doing right now._

_He'd be fishing through my jelly beans, actually his jelly beans, and we'd be mocking them._

_It would all be fun and games no foul feelings at all but…it would be great._

_Actually he'd probably come up with some really great shots for them._

_Maybe I'll try and help out, with my artistic vision._

"Michael? I hate to interrupt but I just came up with this brilliant idea that will make you look so incredible on film."

"Ooohh, do tell."

_Oh this is priceless._

_Damn Dwight, back up, ew, he had something gross for breakfast._

_Ugh, how can Angela kiss that?_

"Ok…uh…I was just thinking that maybe you could move to the roof and get that aerial shot around you, it would look really nice. Take Dwight with you and possibly shoot for an hour or so just so you don't miss anything. Make sure to watch out for vehicles in the background, or birds, or even clouds. You might want to wait to make sure they're all out of the shot. Then it'll be just perfect."

_That should get them out of the office for…well…for all day._

_Oh was that a ding?_

_Yes email from Jim._

"Oh Dwight! She's right, come on, let's raise the roof, woot woot!"

_Ok now go away._

* * *

Honorable Pamera,

Ok, I will take your thoughts into consideration but I like where Michael's going with his, so…

I already called Jan and left a message with her assistant asking if she'd call me. This is crazy I've only been here for what, a couple months, and I'm already bailing. That's so not like me. What are you doing to me? I swear Beesly until I met you I was an innocent, wide-eyed, little boy. You will be the death of me, I'm sure.

I love you anyway (I can't quite get used to it either, actually I thought I'd never get to tell you again so it's nice)

Jim

* * *


	15. Jim VIII

Jim is pressing his cell phone to his ear, standing outside the Stamford branch's office.

"Jan?"

_Damn IT!_

"..im..Ji.."

_Stupid cell phones._

_Where is she anyway?_

_Isn't she at work?_

_Why couldn't she call me from her office?_

"Jan? Are you there? You're breaking up pretty bad."

_This is not how I envisioned this conversation going._

"Jim? Can you hear me now?"

"Yes, that's better."

"Sorry I was…anyway, Hunter called me said you wanted to discuss something. Is everything going ok in Stamford?"

"Um, no, yeah everything's fine here but, wow this is hard…"

"That's what she said."

"…wait, what?"

"Ugh, nothing…jesus."

_Did she just…?_

_No, I'm hearing things._

"No I was just thinking about the branches. I know there have been rumors about possibly Scranton closing, and I know you probably don't want to discuss these things yet, but…I have to be honest Jan, I don't know if this transfer was right for me."

"What? Jim I thought we talked about this? Is Josh treating you alright? Is something wrong? Did Michael call you?"

"No, no. Josh is fine, actually great, good. Michael? No he didn't call me."

_Thankfully_

"Well then, I don't understand."

"I might've jumped the gun a bit; I let my emotions decide this for me."

"Oh, look. Since you are Josh's number two I suppose you're on a managerial position I can tell you this, but please do not speak of this to anyone else. If this would get back to Michael it, it could be disastrous."

"I understand, I won't say anything."

_Oh my god, what the hell is she going to tell me?_

"Look, we're pretty close to making the final decision but it looks like we'll be closing the Scranton branch after all…"

_What?_

_Shit!_

"Oh, wow…"

"…we don't have the final drafts drawn up or anything set in stone but it appears that's the way things will be going down. This means we'll be rolling the Scranton branch into your branch and some of the employees in Pennsylvania will be merging with you. I would hate for you to make another hasty decision and in the end be back where you're at right now."

_Wow, this is a lot of information to comprehend._

_I need to talk to Pam._

_Shit…Jan said…_

_Well, Pam won't tell anyone, right?_

_Naw._

_I wonder what will happen._

_Wait, I bet…oh no, she'll be unemployed._

"Yeah, wow, that's a lot to think about. Thanks for telling me Jan."

"Yes, but please, remember do not tell anyone. I can't deal with Michael right now."

"I completely understand, ok, thanks."

"Ok, if you need anything else feel free to call me, I will keep you informed if anything changes."

"Thanks Jan."

"Bye Jim."

"Bye."

_Holy mother of Jesus, Mary wife of Joseph._

_I should've asked when this would happen._

_How long can I stall with Pam?_

_I'll eventually have to tell her._

_She needs to look for a new job._

_She can move here!_

_Wow, jumping the gun on that one Halpert._

_I have to get back upstairs._

_I swear one of these days this elevator is going to get stuck._

_Lucky me, I'll probably be in it._

"Big Tuna."

_My head hurts._

"What's up Andy?"

"So…you down for partying tonight?"

_Does he have a mental problem?_

"What are you talking about? We have to stay here tonight. Didn't you remember?"

"Oh, but I did remember."

_What is he doing?_

_Oh my._

_Did he?_

_He didn't._

"Andy, we're never going to get any work done if we do shots."

"Oh contraire. We'll get _more_ work done."

"How is that?"

_Yes, definitely mental problems._

"We'll be enjoying ourselves, makes for a fine motivational tool."

"Maybe, but I don't know."

"Oh come on, Ms. Filipelli will be in with us. Won't you Karen?"

_Doesn't look like she wants to talk to you._

"I think she's on the phone Andy."

"She wasn't."

"Well…she is now."

_She would make a great prankster._

"Fine, I'll put it away. Maybe next time you won't be so stuffy Tuna."

"Maybe…maybe."

_Oh my goodness._

_He's worse than Dwight, if that's possible._

_Look…new email from Pam._

Hey Sweetcheeks,

So tonight is the Diwali celebration that Kelly's family is throwing. I got talked into going. It was either that or I spend an evening with Meredith. I shudder at the thought. This morning we had a meeting about Diwali and Michael passed out Kama Sutra books. Don't get too excited Toby took them away stating they were inappropriate. He might still have them at his desk though…I think I'll be visiting the annex today, and riffling through the trash. ;)

So did you talk to Jan today? I hadn't heard back from you yet, I hope everything went well. Email me back…soon! Or call me when you get the chance, I'd prefer to hear your voice. I'll have my cell with me tonight at the party so feel free to text me. I know you'll be at the office so if you're really busy being the new number two I'll understand if can't reply. I just realized I called you "number two", yuck.

Ok Michael is eyeing me from his office, I need to pretend to be busy and "answer" the phone.

Love ya!

Pam-ster

_She called me sweetcheeks._

_I thought that was my and Dwight's secret._

_Kama Sutra huh?_

_Doesn't Phil Collins do that?_

_Or someone, something, I'm lost._

_Or was it Sting…_

_Which now reminds me of Kevin.  
Scrantonicity…priceless._

_Or as Kev would say, niiiice._

_I can't wait for this evening to be over._

_Too bad I rode my bike in today._

_What was I thinking?_

_I'm going to be so exhausted on my way home._

_That's alright._

_Everyone's leaving, only a couple more hours and I can go home and call Pam._

_No shots for me tonight._

_I have to be awake, alert and ready with nimble texting fingers._

_I hope Karen orders from somewhere good tonight, and I hope Andy chews with his mouth closed._


	16. JAM  Chapter 16

Chapter Note: This chapter is a little different then the rest. It's entirely dialogue, no inner thoughts. I italicized Pam's dialogue so it would be easier to read and you can keep the characters straight.

* * *

Pam is home after the Diwali celebration, and Jim is home after his long night at work.

* * *

"_So…you never told me. Did you talk to Jan?"_

"Oh…um……yeah."

"_And? What'd she say?"_

"Nothing. I don't know, you know, maybe this is wrong."

"_Wait. What's wrong? What are you…you mean? This?"_

"What? Oh no, I just mean going back on the transfer."

"_So you're going to stay?"_

"I don't know. Jan just said some stuff; I don't want to be hasty."

"_And you weren't hasty before?"_

"I know. I'm sorry I just don't want to talk about it yet, I think I might sleep on it."

"_Oh. Fine."_

"Pam?"

"_What?"_

"Are you upset with me?"

"_No. This is your decision, and I want you to be happy with your choices."_

"Oh, ok so you're going to compare my job to an art internship."

"_I suppose to you it's not as important."_

"Look, stop. I don't want to fight, this has been a long day, come on Pam, please."

"_No, that's fine, I'm fine."_

"Don't do that."

"_Don't do what?"_

"Don't shut me out. Come on, I'm not Roy."

"_I know you're NOT! Don't keep reminding me I was an idiot for staying with him. I know it was a bad choice!"_

"I don't want to fight about Roy, look I'll tell you about the conversation with Jan later, just please let's just not fight. I can't handle fighting with you."

"_We're not fighting about Roy, you compared yourself to him I was just answering you. Look we've never really talked about what happened, maybe we should."_

"Now?"

"_Why not?"_

"Ok, if you want to talk about it, we'll talk about it."

"_Good, rules first. One, each of us can only ask one question at a time and you have to answer honestly. We never seem to answer each other honestly, and I really need to. I can't keep lying anymore. Two, no yelling at each other, this is more for me but don't push me! And three, when we're done we both have to say I love you, no matter what happens. Deal?"_

"Deal Beesly."

"_Me first. Why'd you leave? If you know me, like you say you do, and you love me, like you say you do, you should've known me better. You say you know me better than I know myself. Couldn't you tell I was lost? I was confused?"_

"That's three questions…No, look. For years I told myself, a lot, that I was misinterpreting, and then when you told me I _was_ it threw me for a loop. Even after I felt your hands reach up to my hair and felt your lips push back against mine, all I could hear was misinterpreting. I was selfish, it was the only time I had been and it was the worst time to start thinking of myself. I'm sorry Pam, I shouldn't have but I couldn't bear the idea of sitting across from you seeing you happy, married even, knowing I tried and you…you would know. I hid it for so long, I let you pretend you didn't notice for so long, I just couldn't do it once I told you the truth. I wasn't that strong. So, I failed you. I beat myself up over it for weeks, anytime someone mentioned the Scranton branch at work I flinched. The idea of grape soda, even ham and cheese sandwiches made me physically ill. I needed to purge you from my brain, I knew you'd never be gone from my heart so I tried to trick myself…Wow, I've never told anyone any of this, and now I'm telling you."

"_You should tell me, I'm your best friend."_

"Pam, I…I'm sorry if I left you, I'm sorry if I abandoned you but if I hadn't, would we be here? Would we have ever been able to talk about our feelings? That night, it took everything I had, every ounce of courage in my blood to tell you I was in love with you, and after you told me you were still going to marry Roy, even if I'd been in Scranton and found out first hand, I wouldn't have been able to talk to you. And, you're right, I know you, you wouldn't have spoken to me either."

"_Probably. Thank you."_

"For what?"

"_For telling me. Ok…it's your turn."_

"Ok, what happened with Roy?"

"_You mean…did I tell him about you? That night?"_

"Uh…yeah, I'm just wondering if I need a body guard."

"_No. No I didn't tell him. I have to be honest, I didn't break off the wedding for you, or at least not entirely. I had so many reasons to do it, and yes none of them mattered until I met you, but I did it for me. My life was turning into a predictable horrible thing. I was in a blasé relationship, a dreadfully boring job, and I lived in a crappy house. You were my ray of sunshine; you showed me I had more potential. You're probably right. If you stayed maybe I would've forced us to continue the charade. Maybe I wouldn't have broken it off, wow I would probably be married by now. That could've been disastrous when I finally realized I was miserable. But I don't want to belittle the relationship I had with Roy, I loved him for a long time, we just grew apart and I need someone to grow with me, not away from me. I need you to be honest with me though Jim. I can't live how I lived with Roy. I can't hide my feelings, my emotions anymore. If I'm upset, or sad, or anything I need to be able to talk to you about it. For a really long time I never told him how I felt, it wasn't because he didn't ask, he did. It was just, he didn't know how to fix it, how to make me stop crying so he would get mad, and beat himself up over it. All I needed was a shoulder to cry on and an ear to talk to, you do that for me, you always did. We always communicated a lot better than Roy and I did. Even if most of the time we sat in silence, I still understood you. I knew, I knew the whole time, deep down you loved me and I loved you. I was just scared of what that meant. How that would concern my family, Roy, Roy's family, I was always thinking of everyone else and I never thought about what I wanted. I guess you did that for me, or you at least tried."_

"I understand. I'm always here for you, even when I'm not there."

"_Jim?"_

"Yes?"

"_Jan."_

"I know, ok here's the deal. I talked to her but I told her I wouldn't discuss the conversation with anyone associated with work, and I know it seems ridiculous but just trust me on this one. Just wait a week or so, you'll understand. Trust me."

"_Michael?"_

"Yeah"

"_Ok. Hey…I love you."_

"I love you too."

"_I guess it's getting late. I'll let you go to bed."_

"Yeah if I don't get my beauty sleep I can be quite a nightmare in the morning."

"_I know."_

"Funny."

"_Alright. Goodnight."_

"Night Pam."

* * *

End Notes: I know it's a little emotional but...we did have to get it out of the way, and I figured it would be easier for our 2 love birds to communicate over the phone than in person. They do have a tough time confronting their feelings in front of each other. If I'd written their thoughts during some of that long drawn out portion there would've been a lot of _"What am I saying?"_ and _"I need to shut up."_


	17. Pam VIII

Chapter Notes: This is a really odd chapter that I almost didn't post but it helps our Pammy understand herself a little bit, so it was necessary.

* * *

Pam's deep asleep, lost in dreamland.

* * *

_I can't find my other shoe to match this one._

_Oh here's a butterfly that will work._

_Is that Dwight?_

"Dwight? Why are you at my elementary school?"

"Pam. This is not real. None of this is real. Jim, is real. I speak my father's words."

"Are you alright?"

"Come with me."

"Is this like A Christmas Carol?"

"No. It's like John from Cincinnati, don't you know anything?"

"I don't know who John is."

"Question, do you know what the Home Box Office is Pam? Do you?"

"HBO?"

"Of course, isn't that what I said?"

"Yes Dwight. Why?"

"John from Cincinnati, that's why."

"I'm lost. Just tell me what you're doing here."

"I have come to show you…"

_Whoa is this my old house?_

_Is Roy here?_

"Roy?"

"He can't hear you Pam. He's passed out."

"Why are we here?"

"Work here Pam."

"Ok, just quit it. Talk like a normal human being please?"

"No more bird talk. I need to show you what Roy is up to. I understand you've been concerned for his well being."

"Well…of course."

_Always concerned._

"Question: Can you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"The music, listen!"

"Where did that come from?"

"It's in you, it's coming from within. Like when Luke Skywalker can hear his father in his head."

_Ignoring Star Wars reference_

"What is it? What is it saying?"

"The things you were never strong enough to say yourself. You would never make a good Schrute."

"Shut up Dwight!"

_Wow, where did that come from?_

"Shutting up, just listen to it…It's getting louder."

I feel bad  
That I don't feel bad

"Is that me?"

"No, it's not you. Can't you tell that's a male voice?"

"What I meant was, are those my words?"

"Yes Pamela, they are. Listen to more, I had no idea you had it in you."

I could let myself be angry over wasted time  
And sad about just throwin' love away  
Yeah, I almost wish my heart was breaking  
But I can't lie  
All I want to do is turn the page

"What?"

"Roy. You never told Roy. You never told him the truth, maybe you should."

"How did you become so insightful Dwight?"

"Dedication Pam, something you don't have."

"So what do I do? How do I do that?"

"I'm not supposed to tell you, just show you."

"Wait. Why are you showing me? What are you doing, where are we?"

"Come on…we're on a schedule."

_Why is it so dark?_

"Dwight? Where are we?"

"The closet."

"What!? Who's closet?"

"Jim's. Shush, just look."

_Sometimes I forget how weird he is._

_He's…what's he doing?_

_He looks so sad._

"Jim?"

"Remember…can't hear you."

"But he's not passed out."

"Right, well…we're in a closet, good sound buffer."

"Ok, so explain this one genius."

"Listen, again."

In a book in a box in the closet  
In a line in a song I once heard

"Ahh, closet. So…there's something in here I need to find?"

"Yes, keep listening."

What do I do now that you're gone  
No back up plan, no second chance  
And no one else to blame  
All I can hear in the silence that remains  
Are the words I couldn't say

"Wait. Does that mean me? I mean…am I saying that? Or him? I'm confused. Am I supposed to find the second chance here in the closet?"

"It's a metaphor."

"AAAHHH Dwight just start talking to me! Just tell me what the hell we're doing in Jim's fucking closet! Just start talking now! Or so help me God I will hurt you!"

_Where did this come from?_

_What's happening to me?_

"Look, I was supposed to show you so you could figure it out yourself but you seem to be as dense as a turnip farmer. Listen, you were involved with two men emotionally, you hurt them both emotionally and you're struggling with that. This is your life Pam, take a hold of it. You need to acknowledge some things before you can move on. You need to trust Jim, you need to cut Roy loose, you need to **wake up**!"

* * *

"Ahh"

_Whoa!_

_My heart is racing._

_That…that was the weirdest dream I'd ever had._

_Ew, I dreamt about Dwight._

_Note to self: Don't tell Jim or Dwight._

_Do I really not feel bad about leaving Roy?_

_No, I do feel bad…or…do I feel bad for not feeling bad?_

_I do…I feel guilty._

_I feel horrible I feel…like I'm going to be sick._

_Guh Dwight wearing a Speed-o and his Sith Lord cape_

_Shudder._

_Ok, maybe Fancy New Beesly needs to be honest with Roy._

_No._

_Not yet._

_I'll work on Jim first._

_That's so much easier._

_Wow I just left open two that's what she said and now I'm thinking about Michael._

_Oh my god it's only 1:21 am._

_This is going to be a long night._

_I told Dwight to shut up._

_Even in a dream that felt amazing._

_I thought Jim and I worked things out, I don't understand that part._

_I need to go back to sleep._

_Shake out all the Dwight thoughts._

_I don't need anymore nightmares about him._

_Does Roy think we're going to get back together?_

_Oh my god._

_He might._

_I guess I never did…_

_Wow._

_I just said I needed space…time…apart._

_I should talk to him before Jim comes back._

_Wait…will Jim come back?_

_Why won't he just tell me._

_He still won't…wait, there I go again._

_I need to trust him, I need to trust him, I need to trusthim, Inee..to..trhim_

_Zzzzzz_

* * *

"Pam?"

"Dwight?"

"No, no Pam it's me."

"Jim?"

"Yes Pam, turn around, no this way, no turn around. Pam can't you see me?"

"No. Jim? Where are you?"

"Pam? Pam! No…PAM!"

"Jim? What's happening, where are you?"

"Pam?"

"Where…what's. Angela?"

"Hussy."

"What? Michael is that you?"

"Paminator. It's a brothers and a sisters kind of thang. Raise up your hands if you all wanna hang. With me and my gang."

"Where are you going? Wait Michael?"

"What?"

"On the boat…Do you remember the boat?"

"Oh the famous Booze Cruise, or infamous. Captain Jack was an ass."

"But Michael…Jim…he said, you said."

"Fuhgetaboutit!"

"No Michael! Come back...Stanley? Hey Stanley? STANLEY? Can you hear me!? Why won't anyone talk to me? Ryan? Dwight? Hey you guys! Can you hear me?"

"Yes Pam we can. Ryan was just telling me that you will soon be gone."

"Dwight what are you saying?"

"John from Cincinnati."

"Look I told you I don't know what that is."

"You will soon be gone."

* * *

_NO!_

_Uh, another dream._

_I have to see this John from Cincinnati show._

_It sounds horrible._

* * *

_End Notes: _

That girl has some crazy stuff going on in her head.

Ok, so the song's were all Rascal Flatts songs from their most recent album. The "Roy" one was **I Feel Bad** the "Jim" song was **Words I Couldn't Say** and Michael was singing **Me and My Gang**. I think I'm officially done referencing new songs from that album, I hope those of you who don't like country music didn't cringe too bad.

Oh and John From Cincinatti, it's a _real_ show, and it's _real_ weird, and _real_ crazy. I don't know why but I watch it every week. 


	18. Jim IX

* * *

Jim is at work, unable to stay focused and awake.

* * *

_Whoa!_

_Oh crap, did I fall asleep?_

_Ew, drool._

_My head is killing me._

"Jim Halpert."

"Hey. It's me."

"Hey! How are you?"

"Excellent like always. I was just calling to see what you were up to."

"Selling paper, sort of. You?"

"Answering phones, sort of. I'm on a four game winning streak on Free Cell already."

"Wow. Sounds like you're really busy today."

"You have no idea."

"Did Michael come up with any new names for you this morning?"

"Yes actually, I curled my hair today and he called me Pam 6.2."

"Why point two?"

"No idea. It was sweet though."

"Why'd you curl your hair?"

"I was feeling girly. Kelly loves it."

_I only remember seeing her curl her hair…once_

"Of course. You should curl it this weekend."

"Maybe I will…we'll see. Oh great, I gotta go. Movie day, we're watching Entourage, again. I hate that show now."

"Do you get to eat popcorn?"

_I wish we had movie day._

"Yes, and guess who pops all 10 bags…"

"Creed?"

"Me Jim…me, and because Michael's the only one who takes a bag, I get to hold the rest on my lap for the duration of the show."

_I would've held them._

"You need an assistant Beesly."

"I had one…he left."

"Ohhh, so you're going to play dirty. I get it, no I get it."

"Dork."

_She's so adorable._

"Don't you have an important mission to be working on right now?"

"Yes, don't remind me. I thought these were getting cancelled, especially after Jan walked in that one time. I had my hopes up so high."

_Yikes Jan walked in on one of those?_

"Wow, sounds rough."

"It was. Alright I'll talk to you this afternoon, love you."

_Wow_.

"Love you too."

_That always makes my heart lurch._

_I wonder if her's does too._

_Today seems to be shaping up well._

_Oh…no…turn around._

"Who was that Big Tuna? Your mom?"

"No Andy it was your's."

"Real mature."

"Yeah well…"

_Thank you._

_I hope if they do close down Scranton they still get rid of Andy._

_I would listen to Dwight talk about bears and beets for an entire week straight if I didn't have to sit behind Andy for __**one**__ day._

_Oh geez, I really hope Jan calls me soon._

_Maybe I'll pose a hypothetical to Josh._

_I wish I could talk to Pam about all this._

_I miss the days of just being a paper salesman_

"What's up Jim?"

"Josh I had a quick question. Can I…?"

"Yeah come in, shut the door."

"Uh…so I know it's just a rumor and all but what do you think will happen…when…or if they close down either our branch or Scranton's?"

_My stomach hurts._

"Well, to be honest Jim I don't know. But I'm thinking Scranton will be the one to go. Do they have any good people there? We still have that other sales position open. Maybe the plan will be to take on a couple people."

"Actually…they have a lot of good people."

_They're all great people._

"Awesome, well are you concerned about something? Jan never told me the details surrounding your transfer; did you have issues with a co-worker or Michael possibly?"

"Oh…no, it was something in my personal life, no not work related at all."

"Alright. So…I'm not sure what you're questioning then."

"I have a…friend who's over there and I was just curious what might happen with the staff. It's…nothing, really."

_A friend really?_

_Is that what she is?_

"Well I suppose when Jan fills us in on the details, then we'll know. Don't stress over it. I heard it should be coming down any day now so you'll have your answer soon."

"Ok, thanks man. Alright…well I'm gonna…go."

"You're welcome, you know Jim my door is always open, if you need anything."

"Thanks."

_I wish Michael had been this easy to talk to._

_Always so dramatic._

"Hey"

"Fillipelli, what's up?"

"Who was that…on the phone? I don't mean to be nosey or anything I was just curious. I just heard you say Michael and I thought maybe you were talking to someone at your old office."

_Um…why does she care?_

"Oh, uh…well it was…my girlfriend Pam. She's the receptionist over there."

"Oh."

_Uh oh._

"Yeah, we just started dating."

"Right, I didn't think you had a girlfriend. Oh that's…that's cool, sorry if I was being nosey."

"No it's ok…"

_Just smile and turn around…_

_That was awkward._

_Did I ever mention __**not**__ having a girlfriend?_

_Well I guess I didn't have a life so she assumed._

_Oh…did she…oh jeez I hope she didn't._

_I mean she's cute, but eh._

_Wow._

_I never really saw her like that._

_I guess I really am a sap…_

_Only had eyes for Pam._

* * *

_End Notes:_

I might need to take another break from this story for a little bit. I've put my other WIP on hold and I've started re-doing an old story (actually my first) so I have a lot on my plate. And for some reason I can't stay away from the MTT board long enough to accomplish anything. I hope to be back in a week, but who knows maybe my muse will hit me sooner than that.

Thanks to all of you for your reviews they're always so encouraging to this fanfic writer (who shouldn't even call herself a writer).


	19. Pam IX

_Chapter Notes:_ I was feeling a tad emotional when I wrote this. I wasn't expecting to write a new chapter today, or this week yet but here it is.

* * *

Pam's at home sitting on the edge of her bed. Her face in her hands as she quietly cries.

* * *

_Why is this so hard?_

_Everything should be easy now._

_Everything should just fall into place._

_Isn't that how happy endings work?_

_I wish he'd talk to me._

_We used to be able to talk._

_We used to be able to do a lot of things._

_I took him for granted._

_I miss him._

_I hurt two of the men I cared for most._

_I never meant to hurt Roy._

_That was never my intention._

_Why did I have to create this world for me?_

_Why couldn't I just face my fears?_

_Face the truth?_

_My chest hurts._

_I miss being a child._

_The world was so much easier._

_All I had to do was tell my mom._

_She'd fix it, she'd heal me._

_I'm never going to be a good mom._

_I wish I knew where my life was headed._

_I wish I knew where to go, what to do._

_Damn it Dwight._

_You said I needed to trust Jim._

_I do trust Jim._

_At least I think I trust Jim._

_Maybe I'm just nervous._

_Maybe I'm just scared._

_He left me._

_He left me here._

_He left me to fend for myself when I needed him the most._

_I'm still scared he'll leave me again._

_I'm scared he'll never come back._

_What am I going to do with Roy?_

_I never told him about Jim._

_About the kiss._

_THE kiss._

_He'd be so upset._

_He trusted Jim._

_I trusted Jim._

_He loved me._

_They both loved me._

_They cared about me, they wanted me to be safe, loved._

_I loved them both._

_But, I'm in love with Jim._

_Roy was so good to me._

_No one understood._

_No one saw the caring side of Roy._

_Or at least how hard he tried._

_He wasn't an oaf._

_He tried._

_In his own way._

_He just never understood me._

_He never had to grow up._

_I never made him grow up._

_He never had to feel things._

_He never had to experience emotions, they just came to him._

_I miss our friendship._

_I miss not being alone…but, I have to be strong._

_I need Jim._

_I need him to need me._

_I can't continue this without having him here._

_I'm struggling to make it by day after day already._

_I can't imagine now, what am I to do?_

_It was easier to ignore that dull ache._

_To pretend he was so far away I couldn't see him, talk to him, anything._

_But now, I talk to him everyday._

_I hear his voice and know he's so close!_

_That's what hurts the most._

_That's what tears me apart._

_Ripping me to shreds._

_I want to talk to him, I need to talk to him…_

_But…_

_It just reminds me how far away he is._

_Maybe I'll move to Stamford._

_I've never lived anywhere else._

_It was brave of him to move._

_Chicken, and yet brave, somehow._

_I should be strong too._

_I should walk in tomorrow and quit._

_I should move there._

_Have Jim help me, and find a job._

_Doing something I love._

_Not answering the phone for a stupid paper company._

_Tomorrow, while I'm busy working, I'll look._

_I'll try and find somewhere to live, I'll try and find some place to work._

_I doubt the Stamford branch needs a receptionist._

* * *

_End Notes: Thanks to all of you who are reading this and reviewing. You're the best! _


	20. Jim X

* * *

Jim's sitting at his desk, working.

* * *

_Ugh, where did I put that sheet?_

"This is Jim."

"Hey."

"Hey, what's up?"

"Um, I guess we're closing."

"What?"

"Michael just told us that, it's us. Jan told him it's us."

"Oh."

"Oh? That's it?...Wait…you knew? This is what you knew?"

"Sort of, Jan said nothing was final but, well, I wasn't supposed to tell anyone."

"You couldn't even tell me?"

_Shit_

"No, Pam that's not it. Look, I didn't want you to worry about it, just incase it wasn't you guys, and it was us."

"Oh…hold on, just…Dunder Mifflin this is Pam…I'll transfer you…"

_What is she doing?_

_Did she put the phone down?_

_Shit Shit Shit!_

_She's not happy._

_I don't blame her._

_Fuck._

_Good job Halpert._

_Just friggin…_

"Hey…still there?"

"Yes, look, Pam, I'm sorry. I've been…"

"Shhh, listen. Michael and Dwight just left here to do something, I'm guessing, stupid. Look, ok I'm sorta mad that you couldn't tell me but I understand. I've already been looking for a new place to live anyway. This morning I came in and started apartment hunting, near you."

_What did she just say?_

_Apartments?_

_Here?_

"Wait, why?"

"Last night I was doing a lot of thinking and well… I want to be near you, and it would be stupid for me to stay."

"So, if they offered you a job up here, would you take it?"

"Do you guys not have a receptionist?"

"Oh no we do, um..I don't know what's going to happen, but look no one here knows anything yet. Jan hasn't come in so I'll call you when I find out what the plan is."

"Ok."

"Oh and call me if you find out what Michael and Dwight are doing."

"Deal."

"Love you."

_Amazing_

"Love you too."

_Wow I think I heard her voice squeak._

_Oh is that Jan?_

_Don't act like you know._

"Jim? Would you please come with me into Josh's office?"

"Oh, sure Jan. No problem."

_This doesn't seem so scary._

_Wow so Pam was going to move here?_

_That's…so great._

_I wonder if she was going to tell me tonight._

_I should really buy some new ties._

_Maybe Pam will help me._

_Still not used to that._

_Why doesn't she just move in with me?_

_Wait…do you think we're ready for that?_

_She's probably not._

_I am!_

_Hell._

_We'll talk about it this weekend._

_Wait…did Josh just say…Oh my god._

_Josh is going to Staples?_

_Wow._

_So, not, cool._

_Oh my god!_

_Jan._

_Oh wait._

_Um…Scranton?_

_Ok…wait for Jan._

_I should've brought my phone in here with me._

_I could text her._

_Oh I wonder what Michael's doing._

_Could be anything with Dwight._

_Oh here comes Jan._

"So it looks like we'll be closing the Stamford branch after all. But we'd like to offer you the number two position in Scranton."

"Oh, ok."

"If you still want it of course."

"Yes. I'd love to, thank you."

_Oh my god!_

_I'm going home._

_I have to call Pam!_


	21. Pam X

* * *

Pam is sitting behind her desk at work, waiting to hear from Jim.

* * *

_Damn I don't have anywhere to put this Queen._

_I was winning too._

_Michael?_

_Oh…Jan._

"Where's Michael?"

"He left, I don't know."

"What's going on here?"

"What do you mean?"

_Oh…_

_Phyllis._

_I don't think we were supposed to know._

"Listen up everyone, I am exhausted I have driven something like 200 miles in the last few hours. But your branch will not be closing. We are closing the Stamford office, more information will follow at a later time but you're jobs are safe."

_Oh my god!_

_Why didn't Jim call me?_

_Oh…maybe, no he'll come back._

"Jan?"

"Yes Pam."

"Is um, anyone from that office going to be coming back?"

"Back?"

"Coming here, I mean transferring here?"

"Probably, nothing is certain yet."

"What about Jim?"

"Oh, yes. He is going to be the assistant regional manager, beneath Michael."

_Oh my god!_

_A promotion?_

_So…he'll be my boss?_

_Oh that's weird…_

_And kinda sexy._

"Oh. Ok, I was just wondering."

"If you hear from Michael would you please have him call my cell?"

"Sure thing Jan."

_I have to call Michael._

_Where is he?_

_Answer your phone…answer your phone!_

_Oh my god he has that ring that plays a song while you wait._

_Fergie._

_Guh, voicemail._

_Oh I have to call Jim._

"This is Jim."

"Why didn't you tell me!? What happened? Oh my god! So you're coming back? Oh my god! I feel a little like Kelly right now."

"And hello to you too Beesly. I wanted you to be surprised."

"Oh and I was, I almost jumped up and kissed Jan."

"Wow, sorry I missed that. Probably would've had to have another sexual harassment seminar though."

"Michael's still out of the office with Dwight. I have no idea where he is and I called his cell. What happened? This morning it was us, what happened?"

"Josh was kind of a jerk. Jan pulled us into his office and she was telling us about it, and he said he was offered a position at Staples, and he's taking it."

"No... really? Wow"

"Exactly. I was thinking, no matter how bad Michael can get at times, he would never do that."

"You're right."

"So I guess I don't need to finish unpacking."

_AHHH!_

_He's coming back!_

_He's coming baaack!_

"You mean, you still have boxes that haven't been unpacked yet? How long have you been there?"

"I like the simple homeless look."

"Dork."

"So, are you going to help me pack this weekend? I'll bribe you with food and ice cream."

"Wow, you sure do know how to make a girl swoon… Of course I'll help just don't forget the chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, or it could get ugly."

"Deal."

"So…are you going to move back in with Mark? Or, um…maybe your own place?"

_My stomach is flipping upside down._

"Oh, um you know what, hadn't really thought about it. That's weird. Um, yeah maybe I should call Mark tonight. Hopefully he didn't get another roommate yet, that would be an easy move."

"Well… you know, if, well if you can't find somewhere…uh…quickly you can crash at my place. Until you find somewhere of course, I mean, not that you couldn't stay, but, you know what I mean."

_Oh my god, why was a born with a mouth?_

"Thanks Beesly, wow I'm so glad to see the idea of me staying with you can get you all flusterificated."

"Flusterificated?"

"I like to make up my own words."

"Dork."

"You said that already."

"I hate you."

"Yep, said that one too. For some reason I'm not believing you though, might be my sixth sense."

_This is just way too much._

"Anyway, oh wow, I just got an email from Kelly. It sounds like she's really excited that she and Ryan are getting to stay together. Oh and she wants to know if you're coming back, with a lot of capital letters and exclamation points."

"You should tell her I'm only coming back if she can convince Michael we should get casual Fridays back."

"Ohhh that's a good idea. Brilliant Halpert, that's why they made you Assistant Regional Manager."

"How did you know?"

"Jan. That was another reason I wanted to jump up and kiss her."

"Awww, now I'm blushing."

"My powers are strong even over state lines."

_The idea of him blushing…quite adorable._

_I think it's getting hot in here._

_Maybe that's just me!_

"Hey, can I call you tonight? We're going to have a meeting, about the whole closing merging thing."

"Of course."

"Will you wait patiently by the phone, waiting for it to ring?"

"Suck it."

"Ohh, alright."

_Oh my_

"Get to work."

"Continue to think about me."

"You wish."

_Oh I will._

"You're right. Love you."

_Was that my heart?_

"I love you too, bye."

_I should call Michael again._

_Or Dwight, I have his cell number too._

_I hate this song…why won't he answer it?_

_He knows it's the office, or does he?_

_Maybe he doesn't know his own work's phone number._

_Possible._

_Fine I'll call Dwight._

_…_

_He's not answering either._

_Fine I'll just leave a message._

"Dwight, it's Pam. Jan came back to the office and said we're not closing, that they'll be closing the Stamford branch. You and Michael can come back now."

_Why do I need to be the babysitter?_

_Where's Jim going to sit?_

_Ryan's at his old desk._

_Maybe he'll make him move so he's closer to Michael._

_He will be number two, he can make him move._

_I'd hate to think he'll sit at that desk._

_His back would be to me._

_This has been a really long day._

"Pam?"

"Oh hey Phyllis."

"Did you hear? Jim's coming back."

"Oh yeah, I know, I talked to him earlier."

"You two are still talking? That's so great. Oh I better go, see you tomorrow."

"Night."

_What should I have for dinner tonight?_

_While I wait by the phone._


	22. Jim XI

* * *

Jim and Pam are busy packing up his belongings.

* * *

"So…is this how you pictured this perfect weekend?"

"You mean sweaty, dirty, and with you?"

"Yes."

"Actually there was also a bed involved in my original picture."

_OH my god did she just say that?_

_Whoa…_

"That can be arranged you know. I haven't boxed that up yet."

"Well…you did remember the ice cream."

_Yes I did._

"Alright…that's it."

"Where are you taking me? Put me down! I was wrapping up that adorable figurine of yours."

"That was from my grandmother."

"I did say it was adorable…creepy but adorable."

_Oh that's it, you did not just diss my jester._

"Creepy? What you don't think a court jester sitting, staring at you is cool?"

"Not in the slightest."

_Wow_

_Ok it might be weird that I unpacked it and had it sitting out._

_But come on…it was from my grandma._

_Why is she looking at me like that?_

"What's with that look?"

"I was just thinking this relationship…might be on rocky territory already."

_What?_

_Aw, I have to make the cutest face to win this girl over._

_I think it's working..._

_She's totally staring at me._

_At my lips!_

"Were you just ogling me?"

"What? No."

_Oh yes!_

"I think you were. You know, I'm not a piece of meat you can just stare at. I have feelings to."

"Awww, come here. Put your head right here, there you go. I'm sorry. Wait…what are you doing…JIM!? Ahhh, no…whoa!"  
_Where does she think she's going?_

_She's going to trip over all these boxes._

_Damn!_

_Just out of reach…_

"Where are you going? I thought you were comforting me."

"No…comfort yourself."

"Oh…playing dirty are we?"

"Yup!"

"Aw Beesly you crushed me."

"I hate you."

"I hate you too."

_Awww, reach out, grab her hand._

"Dork. So did you confirm the moving truck for tomorrow?"

"Why yes I did. Plus I received Dwight's very well informed email about moving truck scams so I think I researched a lot about the company I decided to go with. I went really deep into the company's history, and did background checks and I think I picked a really great one."

"Who is it?"

"U-Haul."

"Brilliant. I think I've heard of them."

"Great, then I have succeeded."

"Dwight would be so proud."

_I have to squeeze her to death._

_I just can't used to being able to hold her._

_It's still a little weird in public but, it should be fine…soon._

_OH…I wonder if Roy knows._

"Hey…I was just thinking, you know with this whole crazy move thing. Um, does…Roy…"

_Shit_

"Know?"

"Yeah, that's what I was going for."

"Not yet. Tomorrow when I get home I'm going to meet him for coffee, he deserves the truth."

_Wow_.

"Will you be alright?"

"Yeah I think so. Better to tell him before you get back, right?"

"Probably a good choice."

"Really don't need him overreacting at work."

"Dwight would have to pull out the nunchucks."

"Oh my god does he really have some at his desk?"

"You're kidding right? This is Dwight. I thought you knew who he was."

"I just thought it was an empty threat, but wow I should've known better."

"This fancy new Beesly, seems to have lost her touch."

"I haven't lost it, I'm just rusty."

"I thought you were Pam."

"Cute."

_Yes she is._

"I am aren't I?"

"Do you want me to continue to help you? Or, should I just leave you alone with...yourself?"

"You better not leave, who will finish wrapping up my creepy figurine collection?"

"You mean you have more?"

"There are so many things you don't know about me Pam."

"I shudder at the thought."

_So adorable._

"I love you."

"I knew that."

"Come here."

"Why?"

_Oh my god is she going to be this difficult always?_

_Yes._

_That's why I love her._

"Just do it."

"Ok Nike."

"That's Sir Nike to you."

"Royalty? Why am I just hearing about this now? Do you know how much Dwight would pay to know you're royalty?"

"Nothing…?"

"Exactly."

"Are you going to come here?"

_Geez woman!_

"Do you promise to be gentle?"

"No."

"Oh alright."

_She's amazing._

_Her hair smells so good._

_It's like a strawberry, vanilla, cremesicle…sort of._

_Her cheeks are so soft._

_I used to imagine what this felt like._

_I used to dream about it._

_Now, here she is._

* * *


	23. Pam XI

Chapter Notes: Twist on Cocktails.

* * *

Pam's on her way to the coffee shop to meet Roy.

* * *

_Oh my god what am I going to say?_

_I hope he doesn't get mad._

_He will though._

_Roy, is still Roy._

_I don't blame him._

_FNB I am not._

_Oh his truck is here._

_Am I late?_

_He hates to wait._

_No I'm not late, he's just early._

_There's a parking spot._

_Wow this place is packed._

_It is a Sunday afternoon._

_I can see him through the window._

_He looks so…_

_I don't know._

_Oh kay here we go…_

"Hey…"

"Oh Pammie, hey."

_Don't call me Pammie._

"Have you been here long?"

"No, bout 5 minutes. Do you want anything?"

"No, I'm fine."

_He looks nervous._

_I can't believe after being together for 10 years that we're this awkward around each other._

"So…what did you want to talk to me about?"

_Wow…already?_

"I just need…um, just need to be honest…bout some stuff."

"Ok."

_Inhale_

"I started seeing someone."

_Wow…_

"Oh. That's…no that's cool, you're allowed….Why are you telling me?"

"Because…it's Jim."

"Halpert?"

"Yeah."

"What the hell Pam?"

_Oh geez._

"No, Roy. He's coming back you know, his office is closing and he's coming back. I just didn't want this to be weird, or anything."

"Well it will be. Did you break off the wedding to be with him? Did you cheat on me with him? Damn it and I trusted him, what the fuck Pam?"

"NO!"

_Great!_

"What then?"

"No, listen…"

"I am listening that's the problem."

"NO Roy you're not! Shhh, now sit down. Look…you remember that casino night we had at the office? He told me he had feelings for me and I guess I did too and he kissed me and I…"

"WHAT!?"

"Roy!"

_Shit shit shit shit shit_

"Pam I can't believe you!"

"No, listen. We had a lot of problems; Roy…Jim wasn't why I left. I just needed to be honest with you."

"I could've gone my whole life without knowing this Pam."

"I know, and I'm sorry that it hurts but I have to be honest with you. Roy I loved you, I still care about you and I don't want to hurt you any more."

"Look, I can't really sit here and listen to you. I gotta go…"

_Shit!_

"No…Roy?"

_Fuck._

_Wow I probably could've done this better._

_What the hell?_

_Great…Jim comes back this week._

_Should I tell him?_

_He'll ask how it went._

_I'll have to._

_He'll worry._

_No he won't, he won't care._

_He'd do anything to be with me._

_Wow._

_He'd take a broken nose for me._

_My head hurts…_

_I have to go home and take a shower._

_That will feel amazing.  
_

_I hope._

* * *


End file.
